The Many Cowboy Hats of Dusty Farlow

I actually prefer Dusty without the hat... or clothes!
Mmmmmm, Dusty Farlow. The man was an heir to a fortune but held the heart of a drifter. He was a bull riding thrill seeker who lived like a pauper and eventually won the heart of Mrs. Sue Ellen Ewing. Sue Ellen once admitted to Dusty that she was a snob, but he saw through her whiskey-jaundiced eyes and recognized her for the fallen angel she truly was. After he left Southfork, she found herself going to a modest cafe hoping she'd get a chance to make the cowhand buck. She got lucky too. Once their eyes met across the semi-crowded mustard colored diner, it was L-O-V-E. Sue Ellen was ready to give JR the boot, but when she learned that Dusty could give her the world - he was as rich as JR - she decided it was better to let sleeping dogs lie and went back to JR for what she thought was for good.

This is Dusty letting Sue Ellen down gently... for me! No I swear!
Then came the news report that Dusty had perished in a Cessna accident. Sue Ellen hit the bottle. She hit it hard, displaying an endless array of emotions in a way only Sue Ellen could do. Full of various wide eyed glances and honey covered smart ass remarks, the southern belle eventually decided to give herself to Clint Ogden (not as hot as Dusty, but then again, who is?!?) only to dump his ass too. Clint was pretty graceful about the whole affair, which turned out to be lucky because **drum roll please** Dusty was ALIVE! ALIVE, do you hear me, ALIVE!!! In all its Affair to Remember glory, the world learns that Dusty faked his death (thereby leaving the poor cowpoke who actually died with a family in turmoil) because he was paraplegic. Scooting around his old house with Dad, he whittled away his days stalking Mrs. Ewing to ensure that she was living life to the fullest. Finally, Dusty regained the use of his legs but was still having problems down south. You get my drift... Handsome Dusty was impotent. And Sue Ellen didn't give a rat's ass. She took off for his ranch, leaving JR in the dust(y).

That's Dusty putting in a restraining order against me!
Life seemed pretty good for Dusty and Sue Ellen but finally his ego gave way to fact that not only could he not please her in the way she deserved, he also couldn't ride around wrangling innocent cows. This got to Dusty and he hopped in the saddle (wrong one though) and found a new life riding bulls (still wrong one). Sue Ellen gracefully acknowledged that he would have to return to his drifting cowboy ways in order to sustain any kind of happiness. And with that, Dusty rode off into the sunset.

I could have cried.

Sue Ellen did and yet never smeared her makeup. How does she do it?!?

He will be mine... oh yes, he will be mine!

I Got the Jock Itch...

... the Jock Ewing itch that is!

Jock Ewing was the last of the great cowboys. Thick, silver hair fell over his face like waves and his grizzled features belied those bright blue eyes.

Yup, I'm hot for the man.



White hair? Check. Cowboy hat? Check. White suit? Check. Swooning? Check.
If the world really did have a Jock Ewing, I'd be more than happy to kick back bourbon with him and invite back to my place to prove that the Lone Star State didn't have to be so lonely after all. I would however, do my best to make him go by John Ross. Yelling out Jock in the middle of the night just ain't a ladies style...


Jock's iron fist is firmly in place
Jock and I would probably not get that far because if there's one thing this oil baron is known for is his complete indecisiveness. Constantly being pulled from Bobby to J.R., Jock was lucky if he could muster more than an "Alright," or "I see your point". He did grow a spine as the years progressed, but in the end, a lot of his anger went towards poor Sue Ellen while J.R. was laid up in the hospital with a bullet lodged next his spine. After that, Jock got a real taste for the iron fist, and he ran amok with the rivaling brothers, forcing Bobby and J.R. to compete for Ewing Oil and for Jock's love.

That's the way it goes in Texas, I guess.

To win Jock's respect, Bobby stepped down as President of the oil business and J.R. started a revolution in a small country. That sounds about right. Jock demanded the best from his kids and I guess with a Third World country blasting themselves to kingdom come how could he begrudge his eldest?


Is Jock looking at me? I think he's looking at me!
Jock also had a way with the ladies. Miss Ellie was more than aware of Jock's allure and held onto him like guitar pick at a Stones concert. When a White Hot Julie Grey came into the picture, after being dumped as J.R.'s mistress and after being uncovered as a double agent against the Ewings, Miss Ellie came out fighting. Jock had already let Julie down easy, but I guess she hadn't suffered enough.

Jock didn't do too much after that, as his days as patriarch of the Ewing dynasty began to dwindle, so did his ability to give one answer and stick with it. He was half supportive (and half belittling) of Bobby's whiny idealism and then he'd give J.R. the OK to kick a baby if it would bring more green to the Southfork Estate. And I haven't even mentioned Gary or Ray, the other sons in Jock's life. One split and the other wore slick cowboy suits and helped him... make decisions. A real Ewing, I must say.


Julie falls under Jock's spell... as he apparently belches
But back to me and Jock. I know he'd gently tell me no, give me a monologue about his love his Miss Ellie (Texas Style, of course) and probably down one more whiskey before he tipped his cowboy hat and walked off into the sunset.

This is how I like to remember him, and remember him I shall.

*This blogpost originally appeared on my old MySpace account. Apologies if you've seen it already...

Who Shot J.R.?

What a tangled web we weaved, J.R. I think the problem was figuring out who didn’t want to shoot J.R. after all of his dastardly dastard scheming. I mean, I love the guy, but he started a war in a third world country just cuz he could.

Power equals enemies and J.R. had both in spades. The third season finale titled A House Divided ended up becoming much more than an incredible cliff hanger that eschewed the laid back 70s and took us into the shoulder padded 80s, it was a pop culture event. At the time, it was the highest rated episode of any show ever in the history of television. MASH beat it out three years later with their finale, but think about it – which one stuck more? No offence Alan Alda (I’m still free for drinks if you want), but J.R. left an indelible mark on the world of television in a way so few characters have.



A few Iconic Images:



A few of the potential suspects. A few?!?

Did you fill out this ballot? And don't say you voted for Dusty...

A Dallas license plate!

Read all about J.R. at People Archives

Read more about the shot heard around the world at 80s Club, 80s Actual, and the BBC

Finally, here's a great interview with Larry Hagman

Cheers!

Wild Horses Run Free: Lucy Ewing

And Wild horses couldn’t drag me away!

This diminutive blonde spitfire was left to her own devices at Southfork so her father could drink his way across America. I mean, that’s the dream, right? So essentially Lucy was reared under the fine tutelage of J.R. and Bobby – and ended up somewhere in between. She left an indelible mark on the other residents of Southfork (namely Ray Krebs! Ray, how could you?) as she flitted in and out of one of everything - from farm hands to a closeted gay man to an idealistic doctor (Mitch, I loved you the most) to a future quadriplegic!

Pill popping may ruin your life, but look at that hair!

Her short, now forgotten love affair with country boy Ray Krebs began when Lucy was still a high school brat and Ray was a graying farm hand (Yikes!). I know it’s Texas, but that has to be wrong, doesn’t it? The fires of passion were extinguished quickly and she and Ray became great friends. He helped through her awesome pill popping stage and usually seemed to be the only one who’d listen to her. I still wonder though, exactly how did that conversation go when she found out Ray was her half-uncle. See what I mean about sweeping it under the carpet?

Mitch was really the only guy for Lucy but his idealistic nature clashed with her meteoric rise to fame as the most popular under five feet tall model. I mean, demand! As she flirted with the world of modeling she ruined her marriage and inherited a stalker.

How unprofessional. Even kidnapped models should know how to strike a pose!

The stalker in questions was Roger and he was all kinds of a mess – but an awesome photographer, so you take the good, you take the bad… Looking back, it’s difficult to decide whether his shrine to Lucy was indeed a crazed obsession over Young Miss Dallas or if he just had a boner for his work. Who knows?

Anyway, this Roger guy totally ruined Lucy, or so we all thought. She met Mickey, a poor (and super hairy) cowpoke who was Ray’s cousin… making him some relation to Lucy, but she was used to that… Then he got in a car accident and bye bye Micky!

Even with that psychotic dash of red wine, those photos are awesome!

I won’t even go into Peter who was a half-shirt, short-short loving psychology student who bedded Sue Ellen and showed very little interest in Lucy except when he needed help. I like Peter and everything, but tube socks and half-shirts equal ill repute. I’m glad that’s settled.

I wish those were kulots so I could say Kidnapped in Kulots... Oh look, I just did!
Maybe because she was basically abandoned at Southfork that Lucy lived on the periphery of the drama. She was quick at figuring out what J.R. was scheming while she usually remained outside of his direct wrath. But like any blonde model, she was a little slow on the uptake too and often played into his hands. In the end this breathy beauty found herself in so many beds because she just longed to find her place in the world. Deep, huh?

Let's Do It Again!

Chris looks mad, but he says YAY!

I'd like to send a big shout out to the awesome Negative Pleasure for giving me the One Lovely Blog Award! YAY! I'm thrilled to have gotten this twice.

Please refer to this post and pay it forward, man!

Sue Ellen: White Hot, Cold Fish

Sue Ellen Ewing. Complicated, sophisticated, bitchy and if I get my way, drunk.

This fierce creature married into the Ewings because mommy raised her to marry for money, not love. At one point during her whirlwind courtship with J.R. she thought she'd found both, but that was before she learned that J.R. was having his way with more ladies than Norm Peterson was having his way with beer (i.e. that's a lot!)!

Pregnant and drunk, is anything more beautiful?
Sue Ellen started looking for love in all the wrong places. Namely Cliff Barnes, the Ewing's arch-nemesis. At first glance, Cliff seems suave and sincere, and although he loved his little Sue Ellen to the point of no return, he also hated the Ewing's enough that you had to wonder if his insistence on checking Sue Ellen's oil was partially in the hopes of getting even with J.R.

Then Sue Ellen ended up pregnant. Was it J.R.'s or was it Cliff's? At this point, it was a losing game either way. Thank god Sue Ellen found solace in the bottle. Now, I'm all for sipping a bit of the bubbly when I need something to go to my head besides my thoughts, but this bitch was not only drinking and driving, she was drinking, driving and pregnant.

The perfect picture of dysfunction - and glamour!
Miraculously, the baby came out normal. When I say normal, I mean he's still screwy - he's a Ewing for crissakes - and the fact that he didn't talk for about, oh, 4 seasons makes one wonder if maybe the bourbon wasn't having an effect on poor, dumb, little John Ross. And naming it John Ross was a bit ballsy to begin with. I mean, Sue Ellen still wasn't sure this kid belonged to her own husband. After some catty male fighting and sneaky hijinks, it was finally determined that John Ross was indeed a little J.R. in the making - much to Sue Ellen's chagrin.

Finally, Sue Ellen found Dusty, a cowboy who ran the rodeo circuit and who made sure his 501s hugged him in all the right places (boy, did they!). It later was revealed that Dusty was not only a cowboy but a completely loaded cowboy, which scared Sue Ellen at first because she hoped Dusty had nothing J.R. could steal. Luckily, he wasn't into money so J.R. could pose no real threat. But eventually, Dusty lost more than a bankroll... he lost his manhood! In a horrible plane accident where everyone thought Dusty had perished (another factor keeping Sue Ellen close to the bottle), it was soon revealed that he was alive but couldn't walk, or... well, you know.

I mean, you do know, right?

Geez... he couldn't have S-E-X.

I have to spell out everything!

The best of Sue Ellen's days at the Southern Cross
Anyway, this whole I-lost-my-manhood thing really put a damper on Dusty and Sue Ellen's love life (gee, really?), and he decided hitting the rodeo circuit once more might instill him with some kind of masculinity.

I should mention here that he had regained his ability to walk. Otherwise, it just sounds weird that a paralyzed man would want to ride a bull. But the thought of it is great!

Nothing gets between a woman and her man and her horrible metallic wedding dress!
Again, another lucky chance for Sue Ellen came along when Dusty's dad, Clayton decided he was the man for her. His friendship allowed her stay on the wagon, to get a place of her own and start to build some self esteem.

Then J.R. Ewing came waltzing back into her life. All smiles and talk, she once again fell for his promises in the dark. They remarried and although things looked like they might be OK, he once again couldn't keep it in his pants and Sue Ellen moved into another room in Southfork (how many rooms are in that joint?).

I kind of wish Sue Ellen would get together with Bobby. Not that I like Bobby that much (he's a whiner), but he's a step up and pretty cute. I still don't really get the whole J.R. as a sex animal thing except perhaps he's got power coming out of his, well... you know...

You do know, right? Well, I can't think of a corny euphemism right now, so you'll have to just run with it...

So now you know why Sue Ellen is all cold and hot and bothered at the same time. Unfortunately, you know she's hit bottom based on the mullet she's been sporting for the last 2 season or so.

Sue Ellen, please go back to the 70s, schtup Dusty and enjoy life!

Mullet du jour!

*This blogpost originally appeared on my old MySpace account. Apologies if you've seen it already...

The Unloved Ewing: The Ballad of J.R.

The name J.R. Ewing brings a chill down one's spine. Considered an evil sociopathic bastard who not only made his sister-in-law, Pamela, lose her first child, he also drove his wife into an schizoid frenzy and damn near lost Southfork when he mortgaged it so he could go solo on an Asian oil drilling deal.

But with true villainy comes some sympathy. No one has ever really bothered to hypothesize on why J.R. felt this overwhelming urge for attention. I present a theory: J.R. is looking for love.

Looking for love in all the wrong places...
As we all know, J.R. was the oldest sibling, the heir to Southfork and Ewing Oil no doubt, and along with that comes responsibility. His brother Gary drank his way across the country, eventually drifting to Las Vegas where he became a bartender and left his lovely wildcat daughter, Lucy, at the Southfork estate. Gary claims he had to leave because of J.R. but he certainly seemed comfortable enough to leave a young child with him! Then there's handsome, charismatic Bobby, the youngest son whose job was to globetrot around the world, wining and dining clients. Here we have J.R., briefcase in hand, pushing pencils and making millions for his family. One day, Bobby comes home with his new wife, Pamela Barnes. As we all know, Pamela's father Digger was Jock Ewing's arch nemesis, yet she is welcomed to the ranch with open arms (well, not right off the bat). while J.R. keeps plugging away at the business and his wife, Sue Ellen pines for real acceptance. And Bobby ends up with the waaaaay better office.

That's Bobby pretending to work in an office that it totally cooler.
As Jock Ewing once said "I gave him a fever for the business," one wonders how much Jock's obvious abuse comes into play. Can he and Miss Ellie be innocent bystanders in the downfall of J.R.'s moral ethics? I mean, Jock was almost murdered by a man he drove to bankruptcy so he could have his land. I'm guessing he's not the nicest guy. And what the hell kind of name is Miss Ellie anyway?!?

Jock was even cruel enough to demote J.R. at Ewing Oil after his Asian drilling scheme went through, making the family millions. Jock stepped in himself, humiliating J.R. and belittling all of the work he'd done.

Then there's Sue Ellen, white hot on the outside but a cold fish inside. She obviously married J.R. for status and prestige alone. She got more than bargained for though and it seemed the more she wanted from J.R., the more manipulative she became. It eventually led to her affair with Cliff Barnes, who may actually be the father of Sue Ellen's baby. However, she promised J.R. that he'll never know. When J.R. tried to set the record straight and prove that Cliff cared more about power than Sue Ellen, it drove Miss Texas into an alcoholic rage which almost killed her and her baby. It is here that we learn J.R. really did love Sue Ellen as he wonders where it went all wrong. J.R. even gives up the self-medicating bit as he tries to extend himself to Sue Ellen who only pushes him (and her baby) away. Well yeah, he'd end up sleeping with Sue Ellen's even hotter sister, Kristen, but for those of us who got beyond the 3rd season, we all know that J.R. pays for his indiscretions in ways he never dreamed of...

I mean, who wouldn't envy this?
What a house of cards to deal with. An alcoholic brother and wife, an abusive father and a mother who probably spent more time at meetings for the "Women of the Confederacy" than raising her children, here sits J.R., unethical but effective business man with a family more dysfunctional than the Sawney Bean clan, can you really blame him?

Go on, next time you see that 10 gallon hat, and horribly misplaced ascot, sauntering towards the Ewing Oil offices, give the man a little love!

*This blogpost originally appeared on my old MySpace account. Apologies if you've seen it already...

Phillip Capice 1931 - 2009

We lost another strong figure in the world of television. Phillip Capice is best known as the executive producer on both Eight is Enough and Dallas. In fact, it’s his name you saw at the end of every episode, right after the cliffhanger was dropped:



Pensive Kristen


Capice had his hand in many awesome projects, including The Stranger Within (1974), Bad Ronald (1974), Sybil (1976) and Helter Skelter (1976). An executive producer basically handles the financing and allocation of the budget for a project to make sure it comes in on time. Capice obviously had a way with the dollars, because he consistently produced projects that captured the unique feel necessary for the viewer to immerse themselves into that universe. Just compare the uber-claustrophobic, desperate feel of Bad Ronald against the burbon swilling excess of Dallas. Here is an interesting article about the role of an executive producer in the world of television. My condolences go out to his family.

Pensive J.R.

Also, please check out Capice’s IMDb page and this article on Capice from the Hollywood Reporter. Also, here is an article from Dallas’ Official Website. Since Eight is Enough is available on Veoh and Dallas is on DVD, why not pay a little respect to the looming presence behind some great television.

At Made for TV Mayhem I’ll be having Dallas week (starting now!). It’s ironic that I had been thinking about dedicating a week to Dallas just before I read about Capice’s passing, but it seems like a good time to reflect on the greatest prime time soap in history. Enjoy!

Semi-pensive Bradfords

Not Just a Blog... One Lovely Blog!

A big thank you goes to Professor Brian O’Blivian at the cool-as-beans blog Cathode Ray Mission for bestowing Made for TV Mayhem with the One Lovely Blog Award (and aren’t flowers always lovely?). I really appreciate the nod and here I am to return the honor.

Now, we’re supposed to name 15 blogs, but I’ve kind of been off the blog radar for the last few months thanks to school. Aristotle I adore you, but you’ve gotten in the way of fun… Anyway, as I do my best Diane Chambers impression, I’ll go ahead and give honors to a few blogs that I haven’t mentioned before. All are worth not just a look, but a bookmark and maybe even a daily visit. Enjoy!

Voyagers Guidebook – Some blogs look like pop culture stops but often serve as something far more important. Ginger’s excellent Voyagers Guidebook is one of those blogs. While fans of the 80s fantastical series Voyagers will get a kick out of Ginger’s in-depth analysis of the show, passing fans will also find it informative and fun. But even more importantly, this blog serves as a legacy to the late star of Voyagers, Jon Erik Hexum (Making of a Male Model), who died at the tender age of 26 after a terrible on set accident. This blog takes a lot care in preserving Hexum’s memory. The passionate writing is contagious and if you’ve never seen the show, stop by and I guarantee you, Ginger will pique your interest!

Phineas 4ever!
Hit or Miss Pop Culture – It’s official, I have a crazy straight girl crush on Jenny Day, who probably has one of the biggest brains in the world when it comes to pop culture. Seriously, this girl eats and breathes the 70s and 80s, and this is just one of her many blogs. I picked Hit or Miss because I’m crazy about the use of Blair from Facts of Life for her mascot. Adorable. She’s a great read, so stop on by!

The Christmas TV Companion – OK, so the holidays are over, but Joanna’s blog, which accompanies her book of the same name, goes all year! Or so I hope, as her blog is fairly new. It’s got lots of great tidbits about oddball holiday television specials and is written with a lot of heart. Plus, she’s all about the Brady Bunch, and that makes her even that much cooler!

Vitamin Burger – Mitch loves horror and I love Mitch. This is an awesome blog that doesn’t contain itself to just gooey horror treats, but also covers music and whatever else Mitch is thinking about. He loves film and music and it shows in his knowledge and writing. I visit Mitch as often as possible and always enjoy his unpretentious take on things.

Dinner with Max Jenke – I’ve been reading this blog for awhile off and on as time would allow, and I really enjoy the mix of modern with retro and his general love and appreciation for all things horror. While I feel burnt out on most modern genre films, this blog sort of reignites a little passion in me and constantly reminds me why I love horror films in the first place. So basically, I’m a pompous pie-hole and this guy rules!

Also, please check out my past blog award posts (Premio Dardo, You Are a Great Read) to see other blogs I have honored in the past. They’re all still worth a visit, so git, you hear?

Whenever I win an award, Ben and I get to celebrate!

A Link!

Creepy! Well, kinda...

I have a review at Retro Slashers. Remember that late 80s regional slasher Offerings? I didn't think so. Well, go and read about it... it's almost watchable (and the review is readable!)... Enjoy!