When I think of the words Ebony and Ivory, I instantly think of that bit of pop music heaven that Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder pulled together in the early 80s. You know, the one about people living in harmony on keyboards or something like that. But once you throw in the word Jade, the whole image changes to represent Martha Smith from Scarecrow and Mrs. King, Debbie Allen from Fame and Bert Convy from my heart.
Ebony, John Travolta and Ivory
So, instead of awesome tunes, we get a fairly clumsy trio of private investigators who tend to get involved in espionage. I’ll be honest, I’m not sure they are really in the P.I. business at all, but that’s how some articles referred to the trio back when this ditty came out in 1979.
This is Ebony and Ivory's "Oh no you didn't face." They make it a lot.
It seemed to me that Convy was a tennis-bum-turned-talent-agent and part of some network of intelligence. But the whole affair is so unclear about everything, I just wasn’t sure (note that the newspaper promo below does call the group "superspies").
At any rate, Ebony, Ivory and Jade are protecting a brilliant scientist who has created a new type of explosive. The meet Dr. Adela Teba (Nina Foch) on a train and Ebony and Ivory use their questionable talents as singers to distract the other passengers while Convy does some investigative work. It kind of backfires, even though they are being watched heavily by two other “good guys” who are never really explained, but one of them is Ted Shackleford!
Ted Shackelford!
At any rate, the formula is stolen and this bad guy goes around sprinkling a pink-colored powder around. Since it is activated by heat, the villain puts it on light bulbs and sometimes just lets it warm in the sun while Jade and his ladies run for cover!
The bad guy is played by Donald Moffet and he’s so mean that after he kidnaps the women he cleans and presses their clothes! OK, so he strips them first, but still… While he has quite a few henchmen, his best bad guy is actually his maid Mrs. Stone (Lucille Benson). Not only does she do a mean pressing job on slacks, but she also knows her way around a pistol! She actually follows our heroes to Vegas, disguised as a maid of course, and attempts make their hotel room explode.
YES!
At some point both Frankie Valli and David Brenner pop up to play themselves. They serve no purpose, but it was nice to see them. Claude Atkins also puts in a little face time in this prospective series pilot. It's such a strange little movie that goes from point A to point B without any clear aim, but the friendly TV faces are so damn charming I just didn't care. Of course, I'm soft on Convy, but truly, despite the plot problems, everyone is diggin' in to the material and having fun.
Original newspaper promo for Ebony, Ivory and Jade
Not be confused with Cirio H. Santiago's 1976 theatrical exploitation flick, this Ebony, Ivory and Jade is directed by my favorite small screen filmmaker, John Llewellyn Moxey. Staying true to form, he makes the whole thing feel a little more confident and slicker than it had any right to feel. I'm sure it would have made an interesting series, looking something like Charlie's Angels, minus an angel and with more music. Plus, handsome but goofy Convy could easily be a mix of Bosley and Charlie. If only I could go back in time and make it so!
I am surprised and somewhat shocked that I had no idea that Suzanne Pleshette and Gil Gerard made two TV movies together – and then appeared yet again in the short lived series Nightingales! Where have I been?
I have loved Help Wanted: Male since I first laid eyes on it. Aside from Pleshette and Gerard, Harold Gould and Bert Convy also appear in this adorable comedy about a sharp and successful businesswoman who wants to have a child. Airing on CBS on January 16th, 1982, Help Wanted seeks to speak to that blurred lined of the then forming feminist ideology, where some women weren’t sure if having a career meant giving up a family. Pleshette is beyond sophisticated but is also caught up in the same dilemma that many women tackled during the era. Of course, choosing between Gerard and Convy is a nice perk, and this romantic comedy tends to speak more to the heart and only slightly to feminism. Take that as you will.
Help Wanted was a booming success, garnering 47.7 in the ratings for the evening, and coming in at the number 3 in the Nielsen ratings for the week!
Here is the promo for Help Wanted: Male:
For Love or Money was another CBS TV movie that paired Gerard and Pleshette together. It originally aired on November 20th, 1984, and I have not seen it, but it looks like a lot of fun. The premise revolves around a television producer (Mary Kay Place) who comes up with an idea for a game show: Find two extremely compatible people (Pleshette and Gerard) and offer them the choice of marriage or a huge amount of money.
This seems to be both a spoof of game shows and a parody of modern romance. Based on the chemistry exuded from Ms. Pleshette and Gerard in Help Wanted, I think we can assume that their touch of gold most likely applies to For Love or Money as well. Although it doesn’t seem to have garnered the same positive reviews of Help Wanted, anything with Jamie Farr as a sleazy game show host must be worth seeing!
Here is the promo for For Love or Money:
And finally, Gerard and Pleshette teamed up yet again for the series Nightingales! Nightingales also featured Barry Newman who appeared with Pleshette in one of my all time favorite TV movies, Fantasies (you can read my reviews here and here). I’m not sure where Gerard fits into the series, but I think he would make for a nice triangle with Newman and Pleshette!
Again, I have yet to see this show, but as a bonus here is the opening credit sequence below.
I have also written about some Nightingales trivia, which you can read here!
Here is a newspaper promo for Fantasies that doesn't necessarily apply to this post but I wanted to post it, so there!
Network:CBS Original Air Dates: October 19th - 20th, 1981
Although Catherine Hicks proclaimed she didn’t want to do anymore television after her well-received performance as Marilyn Monroe in Marilyn: The Untold Story, the actress returned to the small screen just one year later to take on all the soapy goodness of The Valley of the Dolls. In an interview, Catherine revealed that she modeled her version of Anne Welles (originally played by the gorgeous Barbara Parkins) after Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. You see, Hollywood is a lot like Oz with its color and dreams and drugs… or something like that.
Produced by Jacqueline Susann’s widower, Irving Mansfield, he called this remake a “labor of love,” and it also marked his return as a producer (he’d quit the business to become his wife’s press agent). Mansfield fell under the scrutiny of Reverend Donald Wildmon who ran the Coalition for Better Television and threatened a boycott of the movie. At the time the book had sold more than 27 million copies, and CBS seemed unfazed by dedicating five hours of their time to this objectionable content, er, I mean programming. As far as I know, It aired in its intended form, objectionable content and all.
In the remake, Anne is now an entertainment lawyer, young, hungry and well on her way to success. Her roommate is the spunky Neely O’Hara (Lisa Hartman) who’s got the pipes for a singing career but lacks confidence unless it comes out of a bottle of alcohol or pills. And there’s Jennifer North (Veronica Hamel) who was 37 at the time of filming. I only mention this because Sharon Tate, who played Jennifer in the original, was just 25 and much closer to a realistic modeling age. That said, Hamel is amazing in the role, and the best part of the movie. She has a lot of problems, and has to deal with several hefty issues such as abortion and breast cancer.
The trio are varied in their connections to each other. Jennifer is more on the outskirts and seems to form her own movie (the part in France is ridiculously awesome), but Neely and Anne are extremely close.
And then there’s Lyon Burke (David Birney) who is a successful director and a major seducer. He’s also pretentious as all get out, but since I think Birney is sex-on-a-stick, I let my few quibbles go. I should mention that Bert Convy has a smaller role, but the idea of him and Birney in the same room was enough to make me squeal in delight. Convy is fantastic as Tony Polar the famous crooner who doesn’t know he has a degenerative mental disease. And hunky Gary Collins shows up for awhile as well. However, the true stud of Dolls is James Coburn who plays Henry Bellamy, a big time attorney whom Anne works for. He’s wonderful, charismatic and definitely the best catch in the movie (he would have been second best if Tony didn’t have dementia).
Someone on IMDb called this movie “Valley of the Dulls,” and unfortunately, I would have to agree. While I enjoyed the movie – of course I’d enjoy it, look at the cast – it definitely lacks the camp appeal that made the first film so damn fabulous. Of course, it’s been eons since I’ve seen the original movie, so maybe I’m remembering it wrong, but I recall O’Hara’s big catfight with Helen Lawson as being much more fun (the gorgeous Jean Simmons plays Helen in the remake - with perhaps too much dignity). In the remake that scene just sort of is. Why don’t you watch ‘em and compare for yourself by clicking on this link.
The film is most appealing for its costumes and the game cast who do their best to keep things realistically dramatic. And as I mentioned, Hamel is a knockout as Jennifer. Her story is nothing short of tragic, and the actress did a wonderful job making her ride seem so very painful. She also shares a short scene with the late, great David Hess who plays a French artist. I had to sigh when I saw him, since he passed away just a few months ago. Looking back, my general reaction was to sigh at the loss of so many wonderful actors (Coburn, Convy, Simmons), while also lamenting the missed potential of some grand absurdities. It should also be mentioned that the dolls in the title are a little lacking here as well. Neely indulges big time, but in the just-shy-of-a-four-hour-running-length, it’s simply not enough.
Although Dolls aired it’s second night’s episode against the World Series’ opening game, the mini-series did alright in the ratings, scoring a spot at #6 for the first part (tying with Dukes of Hazzard!) and falling to #20 on the next night. Yes, that’s a big drop, but it did still make the top twenty. And yes, that’s me making excuses.
You may have noticed a couple of changes here at Made for TV Mayhem. I’m currently revamping the site. I’ve changed my banner, and I’d like offer my deepest thanks and gratitude to Lance Vaughan at Kindertrauma for creating it! He also created the MFTVM Funhouse pic on the right. I owe him my life! Also, where would I be without Bert Convy? Such a heartbreaker, he is. I think it’s doubtful I’ll stick with a black and white background, but for now I think this site screams “television madness” and that’s exactly what I wanted!
I’d like to throw a big thank you to my friend Jason who got the news out that Born Innocent is coming to DVD from Hen’s Tooth Video in June! I couldn't find much out on the website but apparently you can only order through Amazon and a couple of other sources. I’m not sure how good Hen’s Tooth Video’s quality will be, but this is such a great, and slightly rare, TVM, it might be worth the coinage either way. They've also just released Gargoyles, which did have a DVD release some time ago but went out of print.
If you are going to be in Louisville, Kentucky from July 22nd – 24th, then you really must go to the Fright Night Film Fest con, where they are hosting the 1st ever Dark Night of the Scarecrow reunion! How absolutely incredible is that?!?
I’ve also posted links to the Movies About Girls podcast I participated in and you will find those links on the right. It’s a really fun show so check it out! (Psst: The Romy and Michelle one is my favorite!)
Before I bid you adieu, let me direct you to a ukulele player my friend Adla turned me onto. Seems he has a penchant for TV theme songs. Here is his rendition of Dallas:
With only one more day left before Amanda By Night goes back to the non-TV movie world of academia (boo!), I thought I'd post a few of my favorite moments with the beloved Bert oh-so-hot Convy from Super Password along with an assorted cornucopia of adorable! Mostly it's to keep me from breaking down in tears because I loved the winter break so much -- too much!
I can't say what kind of dedication I can give to my blog over the next few months, but I am hoping I can keep it going with some sort of regularity. I am thankful for all the people who have stopped by, commented, joined my Facebook group or whatever.
Network: NBC Original Air Date: November 1st, 1978
Key parties, free love, polyester and white guys with afros. It was the 70s and it was all good. Well, I can’t say the movie Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery is all good, but it’s mostly good… well, kinda good… especially when Bert Convy’s lothario is leering at the ladies.
Commit features Louise Fletcher as Sally Kimball, the sort-of-frumpy-sort-of-pretty wife of smokin’ hot Jack (Robert Reed), and boy do these two love each other. During a party at the beginning of the film, Sally gets the leer-on by Bill (Bert Convy) and she stumbles on a young couple making out in the coat room. She’s confused by such immoral acts, but goes along in the world because she couldn’t be happier with the hubby and requisite 2.5 kids. But on their way home from the party they get in a horrible car accident and Jack is paralyzed. A year passes and old Jack is learning to live life with his handicap, but he thinks Sally should go out and spread her wings… and her legs.
The Book:
The realization this book doesn't apply to men:
The Kimballs own a golf club business and Jack sends Sally off to California to kiss up to a golf pro with the machismo laden name Vic (Wayne Rogers). However, I hardly doubt he meant for her to literally kiss up to him! But after an endless array of golf conversation, Vic and Sally hit the sheets. He tells her she’s a special kind of beauty (and I agree, all of her dresses have pockets!), and begs her to shack up with him for just one week. She begrudgingly agrees and then heads back home, that much the worse for wear. She tells a kindly stewardess about her situation and the stewardess returns the favor by telling anyone who will listen! How sweet…
Sally is greeted at the airport by Bill who guesses right off the bat that she’s slept with Vic, so he feels extremely comfortable propositioning her. Has Sally learned her lesson or will she take off with gorgeous Bill for one more night of wanton sex? If she’s smart, she’ll go for the meaningless romp!
Guess he ended up checking out her putter! **nudge nudge**
It’s fairly obvious that Commit isn’t really sure what message it wants to get across nor does it even seem to know what kind of movie it is. It starts off great, creating a realistic atmosphere of the free lovin’ 70s, but halfway in it veers towards tons of boring golfing scenes. I get that Sally and Vic work in the sport, but man, if I had to hear one more thing about a putter I was going to throw the television out the window! Also, Fletcher seems kind of lost in the part. She’s fairly unemotional about all of it, minus a few tears. And her character is terribly unlikable. She’s painted as a woman willing to forfeit her own wants for her beloved husband, but she ends up coming across as a fairly selfish woman who only seems to be acting under the guise that she’s making the ultimate sacrifice.
Commit was part of a mostly-unrealized series that was supposed to highlight each of the commandments by setting them in a provocative, modern setting. The only other film in the series was called Thou Shalt Not Kill, which was shot around ’78 but not released until ’82. This does not bode well for the series… But at least they got the two best commandments out of the way…
Although I loved watching them as a kid, it hasn’t been until recently that I really came to understand the great-googily-moogily-goodness of game shows. They are, in my opinion, the most interactive way to watch television. Guaranteed you’ll hear me screaming “Higher!” or “Lower!” when watching a good luck of the draw on Card Sharks. I can’t help it. It’s also one of the best ways to look at how people really looked in the 70s and 80s. Don’t get me wrong, who doesn’t love Kate Jackson’s turtlenecks, but seeing real people in bell bottoms with feathered hair is really the best taste of the way it was.
And let’s face it, a lot of game show hosts had it goin’ on! Besides wooing me with their groovy three piece suits, these hosts also had to exude a likability that actors didn’t. They had to make you like the person they were – not the character they were portraying, they had to be able to set the contestants at ease, and most importantly, they had to have a love of the game. Maybe that’s why there just aren’t a ton of hosts. Many of the most popular ones moved from game show to game show because they had a quality that few possessed. If that doesn’t up their machismo factor, then nothing does!
So, I humbly present the Top Five Hottest Game Show Hosts (and a little bit on why I adore them!):
5. Bill Cullen (1920 -1990): OK, maybe Mr. Cullen isn’t the first name that comes to mind when you hear the word “hawt”. But may I present these facts: Cullen was born with polio so he walked with a limp. He wore coke bottle glasses and sported pock marks from acne scars. He also loved a good pun. And my friend, he has hosted more game shows than any other host in the history of games shows (My fave being Blockbusters)! In short, he’s the American Dream. He overcame just about every odd someone could throw at a guy looking to be on television, and he became the number one most successful person at it. And to top it off, he came across as a sincere, likeable fellow. Therefore – hot. And that picture of him in the potatoes just makes me smile!
4. Bob Eubanks (1938 - ) & Jim Perry (1933 - ): This was a tough one, so I decided to make it a tie (confession: I just really wanted to add Bill Cullen cuz I love him so damn much!). Both Eubanks and Perry hosted Card Sharks in their different incarnations (as well as Bill Rafferty), but obviously Eubanks is most famous for ringleading the Newlywed Game, and for saying “Makin’ Whoopee!” I love that guy. Jim Perry is best known to me for Card Sharks. And for being Canadian. His version of CS, which ran from 1978 – 1981 had to have the greatest theme song ever! Anyway, Jim is also referred to as “Big Jim” because he’s over 6’ 4” tall! Both men seemed to put the contestants at ease and often made cute jokes while reading the questions. And Bob made silly faces! I guess I like that…
3. Chuck Woolery (1941 - ): The original “two and two” guy hosted a show I never thought of as a real game show, but it is one indeed. Love Connection, which has over 2,000 episodes (!) to its credit, featured people from all walks of life looking for love on the small screen. Love Connection was absolutely hilarious, thanks to some candid revelations from the contestants and of course, Chuck’s honest to goodness reactions to some of the more spirited dates! He found so many things odd and interesting and often took sides, while remaining a complete gentleman. Oh, and he’s hot.
2. Richard Dawson (1932 - ): Dawson is the quintessential suave guy. Charming and brimming with debonair style, he was never at a loss for words, always respected those he spoke to and had a genuine interest in people (mostly women judging by all the kissing he did on Family Feud!). He instantly put folks at ease on Match Game and his own show, Family Feud. He even went on to marry a contestant! Dawson may have started off an actor (Hogan’s Heroes) but the sexiest role he ever played was as himself.
1. Bert Convy (1933 – 1991): If you have ever stopped by my blog, you may have noticed I have a slight crush on Mr. Convy. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t. I grew up watching Bert as an actor and a host. I think my fondest memories come from the days he hosted Win, Lose or Draw, but since I’ve been catching up on my Super Passwords, I’m finding that the honestly hilarious Convy always exuded an indefatigable charm that often made him more interesting than the game itself. He was also king of the goofs, constantly messing up the game, and sometimes even forgetting what he was doing! This clip may well be his shining moment, proving that he could roll with the silliest of circumstances, guaranteeing to make even the dourest of viewers smile (and Rip Taylor helps too!):
