TV Spot Tuesday: The French Atlantic Affair (1979)

Ah, it feels so good to get back to this segment!

I have not seen the French Atlantic Affair, which originally aired on ABC on November 15th, 16th and 18th in 1979. Based on the novel by Ernest Lehman, which was published in 1977, the story revolves around crazy Father Donleavy (Telly Savalas) who runs the Church of the Cosmic Path (best named "church" ever? I think so). The Cosmic Path cult infiltrates a Love Boat like cruiser, and it's up to Harold Columbine (Chad Everett) and other awesome TV-movie-friendly faces to save the day! That sounds like three nights of awesomeness, yes?

Here are a couple of newspaper promo stills:

The rest of the cast includes such wonderful actors as James Coco, Carolyn Jones, Richard Jordan, Donald Pleasance and much, much more! Warner Archives recently released the mini-series on DVD! Oh. Yes.

I want to thank Matt aka Billy Witch Doctor, for the scans from TV Guide, which I posted below. This artwork was done by Bob Peak, who did a lot of great work for the magazine. Bob posted some of his covers on his website, so stop by and tell 'em Amanda By Night sent ya! And thanks again Matt for the awesome scans. 

Aaaaannnnnddddd, after all of that, here is the original TV promo. It also features some clips from 240-Robert, which I'm sad to say I was completely unfamiliar with until about two weeks ago. Where was I in 1979? Not where I should have been, I'll tell you that much!

Update 5/12/14: Ugh. The promo has been removed, but Warner Archives posted this fun Preview Clip: 

TV Spot Tuesday: Scruples!

Welcome to the first installment of a series I'll be doing for an indefinite period of time.

Who doesn't love old TV spots? No one, that's who! I thought it would fun to feature commercials/promos/etc, with a bit of commentary and hopefully some TV Guide Ads, if I have them (or can locate them).

I thought I'd start the whole shebang off with Scruples, which was the popular 1980 mini-series that ran over three sultry nights on CBS starting on February 25th, 1980. Based on Judith Krantz's best selling novel, Scruples was a devilishly salacious read, and a pretty good tele-film, especially considering what they couldn't show! My goodness...

Lindsay Wagner plays the awkward Billy Ikehorn, a young woman who finds herself (and her fabulousness) as a teenager in Paris. She marries rich, and when her old hubby kicks the bucket Billy makes a name for herself in the high-end of fashion retail. She takes a gorgeous Spider Elliot (the great Barry Bostwick who can do no wrong) and Valentine (Marie-France Pisier, who is so gorgeously ethereal, I could not take my eyes off of her) along for the ride.

Scruples is incredible. I watched it one sitting recently because I simply could not turn it off. It is available through Warner Archives, and quite frankly, buying the DVD is only an investment in your happiness.

The TV spot posted below pretty much captures everything I love about the film. Tons of wonderful small screen faces (Robert Reed, I'm looking at you), glamour oozing off the screen (that's not as gross as it sounds) and lots of sudsy melodrama. It's high class trash, and that's the way I like it!

Jacqueline Susann's Valley of the Dolls (1981)

Network:CBS
Original Air Dates: October 19th - 20th, 1981

Although Catherine Hicks proclaimed she didn’t want to do anymore television after her well-received performance as Marilyn Monroe in Marilyn: The Untold Story, the actress returned to the small screen just one year later to take on all the soapy goodness of The Valley of the Dolls. In an interview, Catherine revealed that she modeled her version of Anne Welles (originally played by the gorgeous Barbara Parkins) after Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. You see, Hollywood is a lot like Oz with its color and dreams and drugs… or something like that.

Produced by Jacqueline Susann’s widower, Irving Mansfield, he called this remake a “labor of love,” and it also marked his return as a producer (he’d quit the business to become his wife’s press agent). Mansfield fell under the scrutiny of Reverend Donald Wildmon who ran the Coalition for Better Television and threatened a boycott of the movie. At the time the book had sold more than 27 million copies, and CBS seemed unfazed by dedicating five hours of their time to this objectionable content, er, I mean programming. As far as I know, It aired in its intended form, objectionable content and all.

In the remake, Anne is now an entertainment lawyer, young, hungry and well on her way to success. Her roommate is the spunky Neely O’Hara (Lisa Hartman) who’s got the pipes for a singing career but lacks confidence unless it comes out of a bottle of alcohol or pills. And there’s Jennifer North (Veronica Hamel) who was 37 at the time of filming. I only mention this because Sharon Tate, who played Jennifer in the original, was just 25 and much closer to a realistic modeling age. That said, Hamel is amazing in the role, and the best part of the movie. She has a lot of problems, and has to deal with several hefty issues such as abortion and breast cancer.

The trio are varied in their connections to each other. Jennifer is more on the outskirts and seems to form her own movie (the part in France is ridiculously awesome), but Neely and Anne are extremely close. And then there’s Lyon Burke (David Birney) who is a successful director and a major seducer. He’s also pretentious as all get out, but since I think Birney is sex-on-a-stick, I let my few quibbles go. I should mention that Bert Convy has a smaller role, but the idea of him and Birney in the same room was enough to make me squeal in delight. Convy is fantastic as Tony Polar the famous crooner who doesn’t know he has a degenerative mental disease. And hunky Gary Collins shows up for awhile as well. However, the true stud of Dolls is James Coburn who plays Henry Bellamy, a big time attorney whom Anne works for. He’s wonderful, charismatic and definitely the best catch in the movie (he would have been second best if Tony didn’t have dementia).

Someone on IMDb called this movie “Valley of the Dulls,” and unfortunately, I would have to agree. While I enjoyed the movie – of course I’d enjoy it, look at the cast – it definitely lacks the camp appeal that made the first film so damn fabulous. Of course, it’s been eons since I’ve seen the original movie, so maybe I’m remembering it wrong, but I recall O’Hara’s big catfight with Helen Lawson as being much more fun (the gorgeous Jean Simmons plays Helen in the remake - with perhaps too much dignity). In the remake that scene just sort of is. Why don’t you watch ‘em and compare for yourself by clicking on this link.

The film is most appealing for its costumes and the game cast who do their best to keep things realistically dramatic. And as I mentioned, Hamel is a knockout as Jennifer. Her story is nothing short of tragic, and the actress did a wonderful job making her ride seem so very painful. She also shares a short scene with the late, great David Hess who plays a French artist. I had to sigh when I saw him, since he passed away just a few months ago. Looking back, my general reaction was to sigh at the loss of so many wonderful actors (Coburn, Convy, Simmons), while also lamenting the missed potential of some grand absurdities. It should also be mentioned that the dolls in the title are a little lacking here as well. Neely indulges big time, but in the just-shy-of-a-four-hour-running-length, it’s simply not enough.

Although Dolls aired it’s second night’s episode against the World Series’ opening game, the mini-series did alright in the ratings, scoring a spot at #6 for the first part (tying with Dukes of Hazzard!) and falling to #20 on the next night. Yes, that’s a big drop, but it did still make the top twenty. And yes, that’s me making excuses.

Bare Essence (1982)

Network: CBS
Original Airdate: October 4th and 5th, 1982
Oh, 1982. It was an era where the women were women and the men were too! In Bare Essence you’ve got a heterosexual fashion stylist, a machismo laden gay photographer and an uber A-sexual heir to a fortune. What a great time for romance! Or maybe I meant confusing…

Genie Francis is Tyger Hayes and her B movie director dad has just bit the big one. Her absentee mom Bobbi Rowan (the fabulous Linda Evans) shows up at the funeral and basically rubs her ferocious glamour in poor (literally) Tyger’s perfectly round face. Bobbi invites no-frills Tyger to come visit her in New York and after some convoluted business regarding her father’s last film, Tyger grabs her best duffle bag and heads to the city that never sleeps. She meets Matt Phillips (the delish Joel Higgins), fashion stylist and all around sexy stud. She assumes he’s gay. I mean, he is a stylist and pretty freakin’ good at it, so it’s like two and two, you know? However, she soon realizes he’s straight and available and very interested and off to bed they go. While attempting to secure some kind of something regarding her father’s film, she is offered a job working under the less sexy but debonair Chase Marshall (hunkadelic Bruce Boxleitner), race car driver turned business magnate. Chase lost his father around the same time Tyger lost hers and now half of his family (most notably Lee Grant who is so bitch-perfect it’s impossible to take your eyes of her) is attempting to set him up for the fall of a lifetime. But he has Tyger as a secret weapon. As Matt transforms her into a lady of style, elegance and grace, her indefatigable gumption and spunk guide her through the treacherous and fabulous world of the perfume industry, making her a faboo force to reckon with.

Pensive Tyger
Bare Essence was an extremely popular miniseries that was intended to shoot Genie, i.e. Laura Spencer from General Hospital, into prime time stardom. It had all the trappings of love in the afternoon but with a budget that could have financed several daytime shows. It was the height of glamour and the pinnacle of melodrama and of course, I loved it! It’s interesting how so many successful soaps dance with the world of fashion but don’t focus on it. The shows which did (notably Models, Inc. and Paper Dolls) were big old flops. I wonder why that is? Anyway, there’s a little Vogue-ish glamour here, but it mostly works in the boardrooms and the bedrooms. Joel Higgens is particularly giggle worthy. Who knew the father from Silver Spoons was so dang hot? OK, I've always thought he was gorgeous! Between this and his yummy performance in First Affair, I must admit, it’s love. But he’s not Tyger’s only man. There’s this wimpy French guy who she kind of manipulates and of course Chase, but none of them come close to the sexual charisma of Higgins. He was wonderful in comedies, but I think he should have played more leading men parts in soapy romances.

**Swoon**
And another word about Lee Grant - As the greedy matriarch of the Marshall clan she is an unstoppable force. Lee only graces a few scenes of the mini-series, but probably deserved a movie of her own! It’s obvious she saw the over-the-top potential of her character and she takes it to the hilt! No Regrets Grant would be her war name.

Bare Essence is a really good mini-series. I had only intended to watch the first half when I started my viewing journey, but had to take it all the way when I got snared by the glamour! I really wish television would go back to these simple, fun and romantic dramas that globetrot the world while engaging the audience with its sexy fun.

The mini-series was popular enough that it spawned a short lived television series which aired the year after. Frakes, who plays the bad boy brother stayed on, I’m assuming partly because of Genie whom he married shortly after they met during the making of the mini-series. Bare Essence, the series didn’t captivate audiences the way the network had intended and it went by the wayside. I’d really love to see the show. I can only imagine what sexy goodness awaits me there.

This lady has S-T-Y-L-E!

Lace (1984)

Network: ABC
Original Air Dates: February 26th – 27th

Oh what a twisted and, uh, lacy, web we weave when at first we practice to deceive. Ummm, yeah. Lace was one of those awesome mini-series that was full of sudsy excess, and partially responsible for making the 80s so friggin’ memorable. We’ve got beautiful woman, studly dudes, a very bitchy Phoebe Cates, an epic tale that spans decades, exotic locales and so much save-the-drama-for-your-mama-over-the-top-emotional-overload, that it was destined to become a classic.

We are, how you say, sluts...
The movie begins in the 60s and features three lovely tarts-in-the-making who are best friends at a boarding school in the Alps. We’ve got Pagan (Brooke Adams) who is this semi-comuppity British chick, there’s Maxine (Arielle Dombasle) a beautiful French girl who resembles Jenny Wright from Near Dark and Judy (Bess Armstrong in that famous pageboy she’s had for a zillion and a half years), the smart American girl. Each one loses their virginity around the same time and guess what? One ends up with a bun in the oven. So the trio vow to have it together, give it up together and then fetch the child when one of them can get into a better situation and raise it properly. The first half of the movie basically sets up the mystery of who the mother could be and then after the unnamed vixen gives birth, we follow the three girls as they separate and pursue their own dreams. The child is named Elizabeth Lace and the mother is put on record as Lucinda Lace (harkening back to a romance novel the three women loved).

Oh Pagan, you know you want it...
Well, life is just too damn good for these women - Pagan has an on-again-off-again romance with a middle eastern prince, Maxine marries this hot guy who has an incredible house, and then she has her own kid (or another kid, depending on your opinion at this point), and Judy goes to Viet Nam to report on the war, decides it sucks and then starts a magazine called Lace. They all keep coming up with excuses for leaving Elizabeth where she is and then one day they get the (wrong) information that she’s been killed. Of course, everyone feels all bad and stuff, but eventually they resume their lives pretty much as normal. Eventually means, like, five minutes later, but with some offset resentment and stuff (for the drama, dig?)... Then this wickedly bitter porn star turned A List actress named Lili (Cates, slinging an indistinguishable Euor-trash accent) shows up and begins to assimilate herself into their lives, in the most cold and cruel ways. She seduces Maxine’s son (or her own brother, depending on you opinion at this point... Yikes!), hurls Pagan back into the prince’s life only to jerk him away and, well, she gives Judy a pretty awesome interview for Lace. Well, that’ll teach her! Finally, she brings the three now-distant friends together and asks them, “Which one of you bitches is my mother?”

My friends, history has been made.



And now we can move on to… Lace: Volume II

Volume II continues exactly where the “which one of you bitches is my mother?” part leaves off. Again we track back through everyone’s life (although at this point Lili’s story is mostly done with dialog and less with flashbacks) and then there’s the money shot. You mean, she’s your mom?!? OK, I didn’t guess it at first, but right before the reveal, it does become fairly obvious.

"Wheech one of you beetches ees my muther?"
Volume II isn’t quite as much fun because at this point you’re just waiting around for whatever the revelation may be, but it’s a decent ending to the bang up, lush soapy extravaganza of Volume I. Bess Armstrong is terrific here as Judy and my favorite of the three girls. As a war correspondent she sucks, but she ends up writing a book called Rape in a Foxhole, which I’m simply dying to read! I think they spend a bit too much time on Pagan and her prince saga, but the locales are simply delish and of course Brooke Adams is in top form, especially at the beginning of her romance, before she hits the frumpy route. Now Phoebe Cates is another story. She’s simply breathtaking to look at but seems so lost in the role, not even a GPS could lead her to right side of her character. She’s so hilariously indignant! Nothing pleases her and as she emotes from one bitch session to the next, she’s just like taffeta gone mad. And I loved her!

This is Judy apparently going undercover as an airline stewardess
This mini-series was popular enough to warrant a sequel, aptly titled Lace II (but maybe it should have been Lace II: Volume I or Lace: Volume III or… oh, I’m so confused!)… In the sequel (which I have not seen... yet) Lili goes looking for her father! I mean, we kind of know who he is, right? Guess again...

Lace starts off strong, stays engrossing through the first three hours and then wanes into something slightly less engaging (not counting Cates’ ill advised bitch moments), before heading into the world of nothingness. It was a nice ride though, and of course being the glutton for 80s excess that I am, I’d take that trip again any day!

A Gallery of Bitch:

























From People Archives:

More TV Movies on DVD!

Egads! Warner Home Archive is at it again:

The Stranger Within: Definitely one of the creepiest made for television movies ever, this features Barbara Eden carrying a baby under the strangest of circumstances. You can read my full review HERE.

The Deliberate Stranger: Fantastic and eerie mini-series about Ted Bundy, featuring Mark Harmon in one of his best roles. This is a must see.

Nutcracker: Money, Madness and Murder: Yet another true crime mini-series about a socialite who plots to kill dear old stinking rich dad. I had never heard of this one, but it looks pretty incredible. Plus, you know, Lee Remick. Gotta love her. Oh yeah, and it was nominated for NINE Emmys including Best Actress and Director. Wow. This is a neat little find!