Jane Doe (1983)

Network: CBS

Original Air Date: March 12^th, 1983

 

 

I saw Jane Doe for the first time late one night as a teenager. It was one of those movies that comes on at 2 am and you're positive you're the only one watching it. I think I saw the whole film, but all I could remember was that I walked out of that experience hating Karen Valentine.

 

What's that? I know how can anyone hate her? Well, there was something there that really irked me and for years I steered clear of pretty much everything she did. That was until I started digging into the archives of my mind and re-watching some of these TV movies. I saw her in the Love Boat pilot and then in the excellent "swinger" comedy Coffee, Tea or Me. She was great! And adorable to boot! Maybe I was suffering from some sort of sleep deprived delusion when I made my first assumption. Then I found Jane Doe in one of those nifty vhs clamshell cases that I will buy regardless of what movie is inside. I figured hey, nifty artwork, this will look great on my shelf.

And there it sat. And sat.

 

I dusted it off this weekend and gave it a spin. I enjoyed it. From a memory of bad acting and lots of forest I ended up (almost) completely rethinking my original opinion, which is shocking because most thoughts formed as a teenager turn out to be right, right?

 

Right?

Anyone?

Jane Doe is about this woman who is found in her nude-it-ity in a shallow grave with lots of neat bruises around her neck. She wakes up in a hospital with no recollection of how she ended up in said grave, or even who she is. Enter tough-as-nails-cop-with-a-heart-of-gold, Lieutenant William Quinn (William Devane, my newest crush). He's been looking for a serial killer who has slaughtered quite a few women the last three months. Determined to find the guy, he attaches himself to Jane Doe's side because she holds the key to everything. Eventually this guy named David (David Huffman) shows up, claiming this Jane Doe as his wife, Victoria. Sure enough, he's correct and she goes home, only to be hunted down by the supposed murderer. Or is he? If he isn't, he sure has a lot of free time. But maybe he doesn't, and he's hiding a big secret, or maybe... Oh whatever!

 

There are very few twists and turns in Jane Doe and the ending is fairly predictable. Still, it's an entertaining little thriller that keeps the pace moving from kind-of-fast to almost-fast, but never slow.

 

And how about Karen, you ask? Well, I feel she was miscast here. She's not nearly as bad as I remembered, but those weird scenes of her climbing over beds in hysterical fits are waaay overdone. And I think her awful haircut came into play as well. I mean, she's a super cute girl, but her weird short feathery mullet just made me cringe. I mean, really Karen. I’ve come to expect more from you.

The rest of the cast was terrific, especially Devane and Huffman. I didn't realize that Huffman was the same actor who starred in that underrated horror movie Blood Beach. He's like a chameleon, that one! And Devane, well, he's just fantastic. I like his voice and the way he carries himself and he's not a typically good looking guy, but at the same time, he's an absolute stud. I think I'll keep him.

 

Bert Convy

I hereby declare today as BERT CONVY DAY! Why? Because he was awesome and I'm jonesing for a little Win, Lose or Draw! You should get the day off next year, it's that official!



Not just a hot babe and game show host, Bert also made some interesting Made for TV Movies. Here's a short list:

Death Takes a Holiday (1971)
Keep the Faith (1972)
Lady Luck (1973)
Black Day For Bluebeard (1974)
The Girl on the Late, Late Show (1974)
Shakespeare Loves Rembrandt (1974)
Love Boat II (1977)
SST: Death Flight (1977)
Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery (1978)
Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders (1979)
Hanging by a Thread (1979)
Ebony, Ivory & Jade (1979)
Jacqueline Susann's Valley of the Dolls (1981)
Help Wanted: Male (1982)
Love Thy Neighbor (1984)
The Murder of Sherlock Holmes (1984)



I had no idea he worked so much as an actor. I always think of him as a game show host (a dreamy game show host!). I'm actually expecting copies of Valley of the Dolls, Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery AND The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders in the mail soon. I didn't even know Bert was in 'em! So imagine my surprise when I was all "Bert is so dreamy, I wonder what movies he's been in...," and I look him up and these titles appear like an angel before me. Am I a lucky girl or what!

I am going to do a big thing on the Valley of the Dolls movie. I mean, I just have to.

Give Peace a Chance

Coolness!

I found an interesting sumthin-sumthin while browsing ye ol' internet for tidbits and the like on, you guess it, made for TV movies!

This article, brought to you by the folks at The TV Squad is called The Five: TV Movies They Don't Show Anymore. I could probably argue that they really don't show any TV Movies anywhere anymore, but you know, I'm a picky old broad.

It's a nice list. Not full of the regular stuff. Read for yourself!


"What's that you say? You found a good article on TV Movies?!? Well do tell!"

Dying Room Only (1973)

Network: ABC
Original Air Date: September 18th, 1973


I’ve got all my favorite nouns covered in Dying Room Only:

Person - Cloris Leachman. This woman  is a truly extraordinary talent, who brought up the bar in just about every production she graced. And on Phyllis her wardrobe was simply to die for.

Place - The Desert. I'll admit, I'm not a fan of the desert in real life. I grew up in one. It's boring, it's hot... oh, and it's boring. But in movies (the really good ones), there's something so undeniably atmospheric about it. In 70s TV movies in particular, the characters practically insisted on wearing layers of clothes with long sleeves. Yikes! What were they thinking?

Thing – Atmosphere. There’s tons of it here!

In Dying Room Only, the uber-stylish Leachman is Jean Mitchell, a woman who wears, like, three layers of tops (OK, it's more like a black shirt with a white safari type jacket, but I swear it felt like three layers!). She’s a mousy wife travelling across the desert (see, two of those nouns knocked out of the ballpark in the first five minutes!) with her hubby, Bob (Dabney Coleman). The couple stops at a remote cafe inhabited by the overly serious proprietor Jim (Ross Martin) and truck driver Tom (the normally affable Ned Beatty). Jean scoots to the bathroom to freshen up her already exquisite style and when she comes out Bob has disappeared.



Three of the hottest women of the 70s. Could you just die?
What happens afterwards is about 60 minutes of pure suspense while Cloris looks for her man. I think the film takes place within an approximate 1,000 square foot area and it's extraordinary. Like The Stranger Within, Dying Room Only plays up the claustrophobia and plays down bulky effects (in fact, there are none. Zero. Zilch). In place of large visuals and set-pieces is an amazing cast that uniformly brings in brilliant performances. Everyone is in top form here, from Leachman to Martin to Beatty to Dana Elcar as the Sheriff. Dabney has the least amount of screen time but is good as the missing (and forever aggravated) husband.

Written by the always reliable Richard Matheson (who coincidentally also wrote The Stranger Within), what struck me most about Dying Room was the growth of Leachman's character. She's played out here in a realistic manner and goes from weak to loony to strong without missing a note. The situation calls for that, and unlike some "final girls" who seem to go from useless to bold in one stroke of the writer's typewriter, Leachman's dissent becomes her strength, but not without a few freak-outs along the way! I love the part where she loses it and starts hitting Beatty. I admit, by that point, I’d be slapping someone around too!

There’s also a grand sense of xenophobia, although that doesn’t really come into play in the actual story, but Leachman is treated in such a way that she may well just be a suspicious interloper. How those two guys continue to make Leachman look guilty of something is amazing!

So we’ve got our person, place and thing all in place… what about the ending? Well, that might be the movie’s only weakness. Still, even without a big ol’ huge payoff, this movie is the kind that lingers in the mind well after you’ve seen it. Another point for Matheson in an already extraordinary career.


Poor Bess didn't stand a chance!

Turnabout (1979)

Network: January 26th, 1979 - March 23rd, 1979
Original Air Date: NBC

Based on the novel by Thorne Smith, Turnabout was originally made into a film in 1940 before it became a short lived series in the 70s. The story involved a couple who switch bodies through supernatural means, and although well acted, the theatrical version fell kind of flat. The big mistake it made was dubbing the actors with each other's voices. It gets quite irritating, even if it still remains an inoffensive romp. The series was also kind of flat, saved by the great performances by Sharon Gless and John Schuck, who trade genders and effortlessly adapt them to their own bodies.

Gless is a knockout as the butch "wife" who always has a cigar hanging out of her mouth. She was quite a beauty in her day, so it's kind of hilarious to watch her stomping about, all uncomfortable with her femininity. Schuck, a hulking actor, also added a nice girly touch to his masculine physique.

Turnabout becomes a looking glass of the sexism issues that were so prevalent even towards the end of the 70s. Like, the woman gets hit on by her male acquaintances endlessly and is also expected to cook dinner when she gets home from work. The guy basically watches sports and smokes and drinks. Hmmm, which one has it better do you think?

The series ran for six episodes before disappearing into relative obscurity. At some point, Disney took three of the episodes (The Pilot, Penny's Old Boyfriend & Til Dad Do Us Part), removed the laugh track and combined them into a movie. This works and doesn't work all at the same time. The movie definitely feels like three separate episodes but the premise and actors and engaging enough that you'll want to watch it all played out. At the end of this version, there is a tacked on scene where everything is blown off as a bad dream (!), which doesn't really work either.

In pop culture news, Rick Springfield shows up in the last third and I have to admit, it was pretty cool. I forget that Rick did some interesting stuff before he became Noah Drake on General Hospital and simultaneously hit it big with the catchy tune Jessie's Girl. Some of you may also remember him as Apollo's brother Zac in the pilot movie for Battlestar Galactica (which I really need to review here! I actually saw the three hour version in a theater at a revival house a few years back...)

I'd also like to mention the late Richard Stahl, who is most famous to me for playing the straight-faced cook on It's a Living. His comic timing was simply amazing and he is afforded the funniest lines on this series. Sometimes just looking at him made me laugh... and I mean that in a good way!

If any show has ever been saved by a marvelous cast, it's Turnabout! Well worth catching if you can find it, if just for the kitschy premise and the zest with which the actors take on their parts.

A Look At: Dark Night of the Scarecrow

Horror Yearbook did a nice retrospective on Dark Night, in preperation for the DVD release due in 2009!

Enjoy!

9021-Oh-No!

The above picture is of Shannen Doherty at the new 90210 Premiere Party. Looking swank, no? What a shame it was then that they only featured her for about 4 minutes. Nat and Kelly too.

I know, I know, this isn't supposed to be the 90210 we all came to love (or despise) in the 90s. Still, if you're going to get someone like Shannen, who by the way has all but single-handedly gotten huge amounts of press for the new show, then please use her!

I thought the show was alright, but I am committed to watching the next 3 episodes for Shannen, and Kelly's mum Jackie will be appearing next week. JACKIE! Love her!

Also, I was shocked to see a very stunning Linda Gray make an appearance. Next to Shannen, Sue Ellen is the woman who owns my heart. Kudos to the casting director on that coup!

It has occurred to me that Shannen has been in some great television movies:

The Other Lover (1985)
Freeze Frame (1992)
Obsessed (1992)
A Burning Passion: The Margaret Mitchell Story (1994)
Gone in the Night (1996)
Friends Til the End (1997)
Sleeping with the Devil (1997) - I think this one is my favorite
The Ticket (1997)
Striking Poses (1999)
Satan's School for Girls (2000)

I'll stop there or I'll start to sound modern or something! I am thinking that I might take one month and on weekends feature a Shannen movie. Plus I've been wanting to do a comparison of the Satan School for Girls movies, both of which I liked for different reasons... I love excuses! 

So much Shannen, so little time!

At any rate, I have yet to be won over by this new version of the classic Spelling show, but many of my co-workers enjoyed it, so who knows? One man's Kelly is another man's Brenda!!!

OK, back to your regularly scheduled program.

90210-Yeah!

Normally, I don't write about new television stuff, but c'mon... Shannen Doherty?!? It's all too exciting.

The new 90210 premieres 2nite! And I'm planning on being there or being square. Or maybe being there AND being square... I'm not sure...

How 'bout you?

The Stranger Within (1974)

Network: ABC

Original Air Date: October 1^st, 1974

 

Ann Collins (Barbara Eden in one of her best roles) is an artist who discovers she’s with child even though her husband David (George Grizzard) had a vasectomy. David had the surgery because of a horribly botched pregnancy she had three years earlier. What happens afterwards is truly strange – no doctor can confirm that David’s procedure didn’t take and Ann swears she's been faithful. Then she starts acting bizarrely. She eats salt by the pound, drinks coffee to get drunk and reads entire textbooks in minutes. She takes long walks through the canyons and comes back covered in scratches only to have them disappear in a matter of seconds. She even tries twice to terminate the pregnancy only to have something stop her each time. As her condition advances (she’s only 3 months on but is somehow carrying a 7 month old fetus), things rapidly deteriorate between her and her husband as he unearths the ghastly secret behind the baby.

The Stranger Within is excellent. Sparse and claustrophobic with a knockout score by Charles Fox (Women in Chains, Dying Room Only), this movie keeps the viewer on the edge without any special effects or other contrivances normally allotted to supernatural thrillers. But make no mistake, this is no Rosemary’s Baby (another film to make use of suspense organically), even though many viewers seem to liken them. This film lacks that conspiracy angle. It does however prey on the viewer’s fears of everything from unexpected (even unwanted) pregnancies, indifferent doctors, home and personal invasion… the lot. And it does it amazingly well, with lots of thought and a true sense of dread that carries the film from the first frame to the very last.

 

Barbara Eden should have been one of those actresses, like Elizabeth Montgomery, that was allowed much meatier fare. This could have been Barbara’s Lizzie Borden but somehow wasn’t. It’s too bad too because such beauty and talent all in one is a rare commodity. David Doyle plays the couple’s friend Bob, an amateur hypnotist and he’s great too. In fact, the entire cast (all five of ‘em!) is fantastic in a movie that needs its characters to be consistent and strong. And the script! Adapted from his own story, Richard Matheson creates a taut, minimalist story that plays with the then-current theme of Roe vs. Wade in a fantastic yet thoughtful manner. Lee Phillips directed this film with a lush eye that makes the film feel larger than it is. 

 

The Stranger Within is the kind of movie that made me love made for television films of the 70s.  Excellent filmmaking on a small scale that still delivers a wallop! A must see for anyone who loves this genre.