Must See TV Movie of the Week: Disaster on the Coastliner (1979)

Disaster on the Coastliner is pure 70s small screen goodness, featuring a bereft Paul Smith (he's probably best known as either Bluto from Popeye or Willard in Pieces... my god, I love him!) who sets two trains on a collision course to awesomeness!

This is star studded event, which originally aired on ABC on October 29th, 1979, features everyone from Lloyd Bridges, Raymond Burr, E.G. Marshall to the always lovely Yvette Mimieux. But it is William Shatner who owns this film as the charming con artist who must save the day. It's got everything, fast action, smoking, alcohol, a bunch of guys in suits trying to run the show and a little machismo called William Shatner.

Action packed and fabulous, it's all kinds of great! And Netflix has it streaming right now... So get your caboose over to your TV!

Ha. I'm here all week.

Chiller (1985)

Chiller (1985)

Network: CBS
Original Air Date: May 22nd, 1985

When you hear the name Wes Craven, there are several things you might think of. His theatrical horror filmmography ranges from visceral 70s grindhouse treats like Last House on the Left and The Hills Have Eyes to the 80s supernatural horror classic A Nightmare on Elm Street to the brilliiant post-modern 90s slasher Scream. It's not often you find people talking about his television work, but there was plenty of that too! Aside from his work on the 80s version of The Twilight Zone and then Nightmare Cafe in the 90s, Craven also helmed three entertaining made for television movies - Invitation to Hell, Summer of Fear (aka Stranger in Our House) and the pick of the litter, Chiller.

All three of these films lack the flair of Craven's theatrical releases, but while Invitation to Hell and Summer of Fear are fun popcorn thrillers, Chiller is the closest to Craven's signature big screen work. Definitely hampered by a lower budget, this film still displays a lot of depth and some wonderful acting, especially by Oscar winner Beatrice Straight.

Dastardly!

Straight plays a lonely widow named Marion Creighton who had her son Miles (Michael Beck) cryogenically frozen when he passed away. Since his death, she's adopted a child named Stacey (Jill Schoelen) and has continued to oversee the successful corporate business her son left behind. Due to an unfortunate accident, Miles has to be "defrosted" and is brought back to life. Marion is overjoyed with the return of her beloved son, but he's just not quite right. Besides the fact that he's constantly freezing, it seems that when Miles originally died, his soul departed and did not find its way back upon his earthly return, get it? Now, he's cold-blooded in so many ways other than just to the touch, and he gets the most pleasure from causing pain. Lots of pain.

Chiller raises many interesting questions about spirituality, the human spirit and how someone deals with being the one left behind. Is it perfect? No, but it lays the groundwork for many fascinating ideas and raises the questions we all have about the word life and what it means. And if you ain’t in the mood for thinking, Chiller is still a good horror film so you can expect Miles to have great fun torturing those he thinks are getting in his way!

The Deadly Combo: Jill is terrified and lovely!

Michael Beck is perfectly cast as Miles, whose good looks and charm remain intact, making it hard for others to see the evil lurking just beneath the surface. My favorite Scream Queen (and yours too, I hope!), Jill Schoelen doesn't have much screen time, but she's adorable as Stacey and ends up playing a big part in finale. Also, Paul Sorvino comes along to shake things up as the priest who is willing to question Miles' motives. Still, I think this movie wouldn't be the same without Straight who is compelling as the grieving mother. It never seems cruel that she's had Miles cryogenically frozen, nor do her actions at the end come into question and it's an interesting battle between a mother's love and being the only person who can stop the ongoing horror, caused by her only child. I just adore that woman!

Chiller got one of those dollar bin DVD releases, which matches the dollar bin vhs release it had some years back. In fact, I'd be willing to say the vhs was of (slightly) better quality. What a shame it is that such an outstanding television film by a name director with famous actors should end up with the el cheapo option. I do hope one day this movie gets the awesome release it deserves. Summer of Fear recieved the royal treatment with a pristine transfer and a great commentary track with Craven and I can't imagine why that wouldn't/shouldn't happen with Chiller. I'm actually begging now, and that's never pretty, so help a girl out, K?

The Making of a Male Model (1983)

Network: ABC
Original Air Date: October 9th, 1983


Between male strippers ( For Ladies Only, Ladykillers ) and covert top female models (Cover Girls, Model by Day), made for TV movies were brimming with the salaciously salacious and the glamorously glamorous. Leave it up to the great Aaron Spelling to find a way to top them all with The Making of a Male Model. It’s just that glamorous!

The late Jon-Erik Hexum plays Tyler Burnett, a hillbilly type who just happens upon a photo shoot lead by modeling agency exec Kay Dillon (Joan Collins looking fab!). She gets one eyeful of Tyler and New York is calling his name. After he’s dumped by the small town beauty Alma (Tonja Walker), Tyler begrudgingly heads to the Big Apple to find his fortune and fame. Once there, he moves in with Chuck Lanyard (Jeff Conaway), a male model with a fab loft, but is so on his last legs that apparently roommates are the only real income that can help him support his drug habit. Tyler also encounters a slimy competitive male model named Gary Angelo (Ted McGinley) who really is no competition for young Tyler, which might explain why he’s such a jerk. Initially Tyler tries to do things on his own terms but after some snarky photographers break him down a little, Kay gets him in the hairdresser’s chair and thus, a male model is born.

McGinley gets down!

With his raw, sexed up intensity, Tyler becomes the model in town, exploding with a cologne campaign where he tells you to “Catch the Fever.” Boy, does he tell you! He and Kay also develop a relationship that takes them from the boardroom to the bedroom (I’ve always wanted to say that!), but of course love and fame aren’t always meant to go together and Tyler learns the hard way that the making of a male model just may mean the unmaking of the man behind the façade.

So. Deep.

This film is fantastically fun. It’s high energy from the opening frame and pulls out all the stops when it comes to G-L-A-M-O-U-R! Check out the costume party which features Collin’s rack as the star attraction! There’s coke snorting, fashion shoots, models dumping champagne on each other, big hair, even bigger pecks, sex and lots of fun. Oh, and did I mention Roxy Roker?!? Well, she’s in a small, not-so-pivotal role, but c’mon. It’s the Roker! And I haven’t even gotten to Arte Johnson or Kevin McCarthy! My head is about to explode!

This my friends is the X Factor

Collins is tops as the ice queen with a great wardrobe full of silky robes, men’s suits and high neck silk numbers. It’s all 80s and it’s all awesome! Jon-Erik Hexum displays a lot of talent as Tyler. He would go on to star on a television series called Cover Up in 1984. He was killed during an on set accident at the age of 26. It still shocks me to this day and re-watching this movie, I am positive that Hexum was headed for much bigger things. His looks, charisma and talent were undeniable and he was one of those guys, much in the same vein as Tom Selleck, where you didn’t feel completely intimidated by how handsome he was. That is a rare trait in an actor then and now.

This lush piece of camp was directed by Irving J. Moore who helmed such shows as Dallas and Dynasty. So there’s no question about your drama. It’s here, it’s sometimes queer and it’s always incredible.

Visit this Jon-Erik Hexum’s fansite. It’s absolutely amazing.

Read another review of The Making of a Male Model here

This picture just makes me giggle!

Three On a Date (1978)

Network: ABC
Original Air Date: February 17th, 1978

Two of my favorite television formulas mixed and matched in Three on a Date: The game show and star studded one hour episodics like Love Boat! Seriously, does it get any better than that?!? It’s a rhetorical question, but feel free to yell out “No, it doesn’t!” if that gives you some closure.

Good god!

Three on a Date, a whimsical little romance comedy, takes several contestants from The Dating Game and puts them on a chaperoned trip to Hawaii with hapless production assistant Stephanie Barrington (Forbesy Russell, quite possible the greatest name ever!). Real life game show host Geoff Edwards plays… a game show host! He’s only at the beginning, but as you know, I’m coming hot off the heels of my Hawtest Game Show Hosts list, so I was pleased to see I had chosen to watch a movie about game shows featuring a hawt game show host (regardless of whether or not he made the list)!

The couples are all odd matches indeed – pin-up Loni Anderson and nerdy comedy writer John Byner, ordinary secretary Meredith McCrae and famous heartthrob Patrick Wayne (whoa! Now this guy is HAWT!), down-home charismatic writer Ricky Nelson and shy Didi Conn and freewheeling June Allyson and uptight Ray Bolger are all fixed up and sent out on a trip full of hijinks and guffaws! The plane, which is actually two floors (question: did those ever actually exist?) features a runway show for hot new bikinis! OK, so we’re about 20 minutes in and we have an actual game show host and a fashion show! Oh, and I almost forgot… Gary Crosby as a potential bad guy.

At this point, I decided heaven does exist!

A fashion show on a double-decker plane! Brilliant!

From losing luggage to luaus to Loni’s apparent abduction, this movies is fun, fun, FUN! I loved every second of it. A lighthearted, capricious goodtime, Three on a Date is meant to be nothing more than fluffy romance and scores at just about every turn. The great Bill Bixby directed this sweet little ditty with effortless flair. The jokes don’t always work, but do most of the time, which is more than you can say about a lot of romantic comedies (yeah, I’m talking to you Maid in Manhattan!). And aside from that, Three on a Date presents really likeable characters who are fun to watch and who you will find yourself rooting for. Maybe because this movie was based on the autobiographical book by Stephanie Buffington, there’s a lot of thought given to the characters and what could have been a bunch of cardboard sketches (the pin-up, the actor, the shy girl…) ends up being much more.

Come to mama!

Friendships, Secrets & Lies (1979)

Network: NBC
Original Air Date: December 3rd, 1979


Friendships is a definite precursor to Lifetime movies, but like even before Lifetime was a twinkle in cable TV’s eyes. Even before cable was a twinkle in cable’s eyes. I mean, maybe it’s the movie that inspired television for women. In fact, Friendships does it one better by featuring a cast with no men. Not one. Nada. Of course, these women talk endlessly about men, and basically about how the male species is the reason for their downfall. Yup, total Lifetime. And I love it!

An old college sorority house is being demolished to make way for a new building. During construction the bones of a baby are unearthed. Nosey reporter Jessie (Sandra Locke looking great!) decides to make this tragic unsolved crime an issue of Pro-Choice. With a bit of poking around she is able to pin down the one summer that the murder most likely took place. This particular summer there were only six sorority sisters and a housemother living there, including Sondra’s co-worker Martha (Cathryn Damon of SOAP). The women (and housemother, who is now a maid for one of the sisters!) reunite and through the broken and unbroken bonds, they uncover the mystery behind the baby’s death.

Crack whore Prentiss ruing kids across the land!

Although it’s stated part way through Friendships that these women hadn’t been together since college, a good portion of them are seen hanging out at the beauty parlor gossiping and avoiding any real work at the beginning of the film. Weren’t the 70s grand?

Friendships has a lot on its plate. Each of the six women has ended up leading lives they’d never dreamed of living. Pretty much left destitute emotionally (thanks to what else? Men, of course - well, one of them is a lesbian), they all accuse each other of aborting the baby during a time when women weren’t left with much options regarding an unwanted pregnancy.

Friendships is a rather clumsy attempt at presenting an important opinion. The premise is interesting, but there are so many soap opera antics going that the main point kind of gets all lost in the drinking and cavorting and arguing. But really, I didn’t want a movie with strong political message. I just wanted some drama and maybe a bit of suspense, and I got it. One of the directors, Marlena Laird was most famous for directing General Hospital in the 80s. I should also note this film was co-directed by another woman named Ann Zane Shanks and written by Joanna Crawford based on a book titled The Walls Came Tumbling Down which was written by Babs H. Deal. Talk about solidarity. I admire that a film tackling women issues with an all female cast was penned and filmed by women. That’s putting your money where your mouth is!

Even a brutalized Stella Stevens can't look bad!

The entire cast, which includes Loretta Switt, Shelly Fabares, Tina Louise and Paula Prentiss among others is in fine form with the sometimes hackneyed storytelling. Louise is particularly incredible as the crazed widowed housewife who finds out one of her sorority sisters was schtupting her old man. Prentiss, who is normally gorgeous, looks like a crack fiend and kind of acts like one! Her character is the most grating and I kept wishing she’d been the one they found under the house (ye-ouch!). Switt plays the lady who loves having babies, Stevens is the one who gets beat up by her husband and Fabares rounds out the cast as the token lesbian. It’s kind of obvious, but you know a woman in a smart suit could just be pragmatic, right? And actually her “coming out” scene is dealt in a progressive manner.

Damon is of course fantastic as is Sandra Locke, whose character is the catalyst for blowing the whole ordeal out of proportion. She turns the issue into a pro-women’s rights issue which is what draws all the women together and inevitably outs many long kept secrets. The reveal is not all that revealing but a good choice which helps cement the idea that even the most together of women can make one simple mistake.

The mistake of LOVE.

I know, I love a good dramatic build up!

The beautiful Cathryn Damon being beautiful!

House on Greenapple Road (1970)

House on Greenapple Road (1970)
Network: ABC
Original Air Date: January 11th, 1970


Anyone who frequents this blog is well aware of my undying love for Christopher George. When I read other’s descriptions of him I often hear the words “dependable” and “reliable” but those simple terms don’t seem to encompass the great talent he possessed. He often brought up the production of a film just by showing up and doing what he does best. Luckily, he didn’t have to do all the work in the excellent cop procedural House on Greenapple Road, but that beautiful face of his is an extremely welcome addition to this unyielding mystery.

A peek into chaos

As much as I love this man, he’s not the first image that comes to mind when people remember this thriller. House begins with a very young Eve Plumb (Jan on the Brady Bunch) coming home from school. She walks into the house expecting to find her mother but the house is empty. She enters the kitchen and walks past the broken dishes and puddles of blood and heads next door to her aunt’s (Julie Harris). It’s a harrowing segment that sets the scene for a dark look at the life of a missing housewife.

A little beauty amongst the chaos (and I don't mean Ed Asner!)

George is Lt. Dan August, a plain clothes cop with a nose for solving twisted mysteries. Think Sgt. Joe Friday with a touch of (intentional) humor. He is called onto the scene with his steadfast partner, Sergeant Charles Wilentz (Keenan Wynn who is always a pleasure). August is sure there is something more involved to the violent crime scene, but without a corpse he begins his routine investigation by looking for the missing housewife, Marian Ord (Janet Leigh looking divine).

Chrissy Snow's dad showing some machismo... Oh and Janet Leigh!

Of course, the husband is always the first suspect and the spineless traveling salesman George (Tim O’Connor) does nothing to prove his innocence. August digs deeper and we find that Marian was not the most faithful of wives. August uses several photographs he found hidden in Marian’s dresser to identify several men. Each one writes Marian off as a lonely housewife, but a series of flashbacks reveals that she left quite an impression on them. Also, we find that Marian was desperately seeking some kind of confirmation that she was still a desirable woman and not just an aging mother.

She don't take no shit. Don't even ask...

To say House is gripping would be an understatement. The expert cinematography, suspenseful script and A list acting will keep the viewer on the edge of their seat (and guessing) right up to the end. George is fantastic here and even gets to share a small scene with his wife (then still cast as Linda Day without the George). She plays a pot smoking receptionist who doesn’t like to take shit. Even Ed Asner shows up as the befuddled sheriff who unwittingly has one of the biggest clues right at his fingertips. In fact, this movie is all about clues. Everything that is said and done by the supporting players offers a bit of revelation about Marian’s disappearance so keeps your eyes and ears peeled when watching it.

Dan August at your service

The rest of the cast is amazing and I would feel amiss if I didn’t mention that House also features Walter Pidgeon, Julie Harris, William Windom, Peter Mark Richmond (Chrissy Snow’s dad!) and the always likeable Lawrence Dane.

House is a Quinn Martin Production. Martin is most famous for several police procedural television series such as The Fugitive and my personal favorite, The Streets of San Francisco. You won’t find any of the grime here from Streets (arguably one of the grittiest shows of all time), but you will catch Martin's signature top notch writing and themes of the “nothing is what it seems” kind. I would highly recommend anything that has the QM Production logo attached to it.

Tim O'Connor in an excellent role

House was so popular it spun off a series called Dan August starring Burt Reynolds (George had prior obligations and couldn't do the series). It ran just one season from 1970-1971 and I have never seen it. But if the movie is any indication of the quality of the series, than this is one show to keep an eye out for.

The Failing of Raymond (1971)

Network: ABC
Original Air Date: November 27th, 1971

Jane Wyman made her small screen movie debut in The Failing of Raymond, a movie that will come across as a fantasy for those who felt the school system let them down. I’d ask you to raise your hand but there’s just way too many of you – and that’s too school-like anyway. Raymond (Dean Stockwell in a brilliant performance) is an outsider whose fate was set the day he failed a test in high school. What followed over the next ten years was a life of misery and more disappointments, landing him in a mental institution. When he figures out that the teacher who done him wrong, Ms. Bloomquist (Jane Wyman) is retiring, he escapes the institute and terrorizes her.

Creepy dream sequence

The Failing of Raymond is an interesting comment on the education structure and places the blame of Raymond's horrible life on both his and his ex-teacher’s shoulders. Raymond definitely had issues, he suffers from paranoia and can be a little slow on the uptake, but Ms. Bloomquist also put her married lover (Dana Andrews with a really bad tan and dye job) over her students. I won't say she's a bitch, but she certainly does come off as self-centered and partially unable to communicate with her kids. How ten years have changed both she and Raymond, only her life seemed to get better, or at least more centered. Raymond spent his days in ridicule and abuse. It's a compelling take on the trigger effect concept. The fact that one test in high school can map out the rest of your days makes for a disturbing premise, and the ideas are handled with a lot of thought here.

A very young Katey Sagal and a middle aged Murray Hamilton

I like that Raymond isn't portrayed as pure evil. He's really a very sad character who just wants to prove that he could have passed the dang test if only Ms. Bloomquist had attended to him properly. He even has a girlfriend at the institution who is this lost, wide-eyed creature (a very young and pretty Katey Sagal in her first role! Her father Boris was the director). It's obvious Raymond would never hurt her, and you can tell by the gentleness of their situation that he really doesn't want to hurt Ms. Bloomquist either, he just needs to prove his case.

The cast is amazing and besides Stockwell and Wyman you’ll also see the late great Murray Hamilton and Tim O’Connor. Boris Sagal was quite the television film and mini-series director before his untimely death in 1981. Besides fathering the lovely Katey Sagal, he was also the dad of Jean and Liz Sagal from Double Trouble. I.E. The best show that ever aired in the history of the world and even the whole universe. Really.


One colored Dana Andrews. Why Dana - Why?!?
Like my last post on the ultra rare Seven in Darkness, The Failing of Raymond kind of symbolizes the problem with being nostalgically inclined. Here is an ultra-rare TV movie that I have spent years searching for, based solely on the enticing premise. The upshot of being so inclined to love and seek out these films is that I’m seldom disappointed. I guess that’s why you won’t find too much in the way of negative reviews here. But as I’ve said before, I’m not here for that. But I’d like to think I watch these movies with more than just a pair of rose colored glasses. The Failing of Raymond is a well thought out thriller that will please any fans of the sub-genre. It’s not so hard to find now that the internet exists – and frankly, the internet and my iPod about the only two things I think I’d have trouble giving up if I got a chance to go back in time. Oh yeah and my friends and family too, I guess.