The Women of Amazon Instant Video

I guess Punxsutawney Phil wasn’t joking around when he let us know that we had a few more weeks of the cold stuff coming! If you’re like me, you’ve probably become very good friends with your space heater, and have been spending a lot of time watching television. As much as I love living in the past, I am also grateful to be connected enough to the interwebs that my options as a retro loving geek are opened up in so many different ways!

Last year, when it was too hot to go outside, I wrote about The Summer of Amazon Prime, but now that it’s too cold to go outside, I thought I should add some titles for those of us cooped up for the winter. I was thrilled to find that Amazon has added a slew of new titles, some of which I’ve already started reviewing. A lot of these films are on DVD, and while that was another treat to stumble upon, many of TVMs listed are a bit obscure, and this might be the first time they’ve been available for some time. I tried to add links to both the streaming and DVD purchase link, but please forgive me if I missed something!

And enjoy!

I think the TV gods have been listening to my prayers, because Amazon has a great selection of films by some of my favorite small screen actresses. For this post, I decided to focus on the ladies who have a nice chunk of their TVM work available for streaming:

Victoria Principal: I’ll be honest, while I always thought Pamela Barnes Ewing was gorgeous, and Victoria was fantastic on Dallas, I never really took a liking to the character. She seemed a little self-righteous and overly emotional (and not in that fun I-should-be-in-drunk-tank way that Sue Ellen so often was). I was always a little distanced from Pamela’s woes. It wasn’t until later, when I started to watch Victoria’s other work that I really understood what a truly fine actress she is. Although it’s not on Amazon Instant Video, I cannot recommend Mistress enough (and it’s on vhs!). Victoria put in an affecting performance as the ex-kept woman on a downward spiral. After that film, I started to seek out more of her work. In 1989 she moved behind the camera, producing the kinds of films that she wanted to appear in. Amazon is offering a nice handful of them:

Naked Lie: This little potboiler finds Pamela as a prosecutor mixed up with a murderous judge. The judge is James Farentino and he’s a sex-fiend. His voracious appetite for the dirty stuff gets him mixed up with a would-be blackmailer, and it very quickly leads to murder. Naked Lie is lots of fun, and Farentino is particularly great. And it's on DVD!

Sparks: The Price of Passion: I did a big ol' spit take when I ran into this one, because I’m still giggling over Ted Wass’ sexy sexiness in Baby Sister (which I really need to do a write up on). In Sparks, Victoria plays the mayor of a small town. Her almost-affair gets her into some hot water, but that doesn’t stop her from getting to the bottom of a strange series of murders that have been plaguing her town. Not great, but a good time waster. Sparks also features a nice appearance from the great Ralph Waite, who we lost recently. And it's on DVD.

The other two Principal movies that are streaming are Abduction, and Dancing in the Dark. I am hoping to get to those soon!

Lindsay Wagner: Who doesn’t love this gorgeous creature? I’ve recently been revisiting the ridiculous but fabulously entertaining Bionic Woman series (on Amazon Instant Video no less), and I’ve been reminded of just how lovely and charming Lindsay is. I'm a big fan of her TVM work as well, and I was thrilled to see a nice chunk of it featured on the site:

Nightmare at Bitter Creek: Any film that mixes the likes of Lindsay Wagner, Joanna Cassidy and Constance McCashin, with a touch of the handsome Tom Skerritt just has to be good right? Definitely. I adore this survivalist flick that pits a group of city woman, and their drunkard cowpoke guide against a bunch of militant racists who only want cleanse ‘Murrica! Surprisingly suspenseful, Nightmare is my favorite of Amazon’s Wagner offerings. You can buy it on DVD as well.

Babies: I saw Babies when it originally aired in 1990, which is funny because I have absolutely no maternal instincts. I don’t remember why I tuned in, but I’m sure I was heavily influenced by the incredible cast, who include Lindsay, Dinah Manoff, Adam Arkin and Marcy Walker (who is quickly becoming a favorite small screen face). This one is all about the different ways modern families grow, or don’t grow, depending on your needs. It offers a few different viewpoints on motherhood and Lindsay is in fine form. And my god, this woman is gorgeous! Babies is on DVD!

Callie and Son and A Child's Cry are also on Amazon Instant Video, and they are on my list!

Barbara Eden: If you’ve ever visited my blog, I am sure you are aware of my unending love for all things Eden. This lovely actress is one of my all time faves, and I am pleased with the offerings available on Amazon Prime:

The Woman Hunter: It's been eons since I saw this movie (on DVD), but I remember it was fun and stylish and Stuart Whitman looked gorgeous. Must see TV!

Return of the Rebels: Such fun fluff! Read my review here. Return is also on DVD.

Visions of Terror: This is another one I saw a long time ago and haven't had the chance to re-visit. Terror (aka Eyes of Terror) is the sequel to a TVM called Visions of Murder, which also starred Eden as a psychic psychologist! There are a few references to the original film (which is on DVD), but I followed it just fine without seeing the original. Eden looks great too.

The Portrait Series: The films Portrait of an Escort, Portrait of a Showgirl and Portrait of Stripper are not related except by the word Portrait (and semi-connected by Lesley Ann Warren who appears in two of the films), but they are great wanna-be tawdry examples of the more exploitative side of the television movie.

Of the three, I think I enjoyed Portrait of an Escort the most. I’m not sure it’s the best in the series, but it’s the one that had me the most engaged in the story. Susan Anspach is a put upon mom working for no money and for a crap boss. Her co-worker suggests she make ends meet by working for a dating service that is almost exactly what it sounds like… a dating service. Susan is able to dodge sleeping with her clients, and, every now and then she meets a decent guy. However, it’s out-of-work actor Tony Bill that catches her fancy. Only, she doesn’t want him to know she’s an escort and he doesn’t want her to know that he’s being kept by an older rich lady. That sounds like some heavy duty web tangling, right? Well, throw in a psychotic stranger who likes to break into Susan’s apartment and cut up her clothes, and you’ve got one great night of entertainment! Portrait is on DVD.

Portrait of a Stripper is a lot like Escort only this one stars Lesley Ann Warren and instead of working as an escort, this single mom makes her money as a stripper. Well, kinda. She’s a good dancer but the breaks are few and far between. It doesn’t help that her dead husband’s parents want their grandson and have set out to start smear campaign against Lesley. A fantastic photographer but low rent detective is put on the case, and check it out, he falls in love with Lesley. I mean, how could he not? I liked this one a lot too. It’s all very romantic, despite the stripping and spying and Lesley is just lovely in the part.

I like Portrait of a Showgirl, but despite the stellar cast of Rita Moreno, Lesley Ann Warren, Dianne Kaye and Tony Curtis, it’s just not as engaging of a film. This is more of a slice-of-lifer and has a lot of energy but lacks whatever oomph it needs to keep up with the other two Portrait films. Still, it’s a fine time waster, and Rita Moreno is worth a watch in anything. This is on DVD.

If you need more Lesley, you can also watch Family of Spies, a mini-series that is currently streaming on Amazon!

I’m telling you… TV movie heaven!

The USA World Premiere Movie Project: Are You Lonesome Tonight (1992)

This review was written in conjunction with The Daily Grindhouse's year long tribute to the USA World Premiere Movie! 

Contrary to popular belief, Are You Lonesome Tonight is not a Lifetime movie. The best television for women channel gets a lot of credit for much of the slick, somewhat exploitative, small screen fare, and sometimes deservedly so. However, much of their library was acquired from other networks that had a toehold before Lifetime’s complete stranglehold on saucy TV.

See! I told you it was a USA Original!

Case in point, although Lonesome seems to have garnered its somewhat murky rep from airings on Lifetime, it was a USA Original Movie. Like a lot of the small screen films at that time, it riffed on the big screen sexploitation thrillers such as Fatal Attraction and Single White Female. The underlying theme is sex sells, and it sells well, at least as noted by Laura (Beth Broderick), the suspicious call girl who embarks on a telephone affair with another woman's husband. The film starts with Laura, clad in her sexiest lingerie, engaging in some tawdry phone play with Richard Welles (Henry J. Jordan), a wealthy businessman with a frustrated wife named Adrienne (the ageless Jane Seymour). Adrienne overhears the call and wonders if maybe it’s time to end her marriage. But, before she can confront her husband, she hears a strange phone message from Richard that implies Adrienne may be a widow before she has the chance to become a divorcee.

Hello!

Adrienne runs into Matt Henderson (a delish Parker Stevenson) at the police station. He's a retired-detective-turned-private-eye. At first, Adrienne is apprehensive about hiring Matt, but c’mon he’s friggin’ Parker Stevenson, and so Adrienne is soon compelled to spend every waking moment with him (smart girl). But not before she digs up Laura (Beth Broderick), the high price call girl who was on the phone with Richard when he was attacked. Does she hold the key to the mystery, or is she the catalyst for Richard’s disappearance?

Matt works a sloppy tux!

Lonesome, which originally aired on January 22nd, 1992, isn't anything you haven't seen before, especially if you watch a lot of erotic thrillers. Like Murder By Night, the small cast makes it easy to tie certain crimes to certain people. But if you don’t go in expecting Hitchcockian twists and turns, you’ll probably enjoy this thriller's gauzy world. Aside from the complete nostalgic mind-trip the film puts the viewer through (paid phone sex? Where's Shannon Tweed?), there are some rather nice touches, mostly seen through Laura and Matt’s navigation through the upper class. Laura is determined to sleep her way to the top of the class system of whatever small and prosperous beach community Lonesome takes place in. Along the way, she mimics the upper class who is paying for her tricks, as seen with her glamorous apartment and luxury gym membership. Unfortunately, she also finds herself mixed up in a world of high level corruption. This isn't the world Laura wants, she wants what Adrienne has, as chaste as it is, but she'll never be able to break into that world despite the big bucks she’s cautiously stocked away. The message seems to be that high level corruption is OK when it’s committed by high level people, and it’s a lot less acceptable when the lower class tries to invite themselves into the fold.

Hello Part Deux!

Matt is the everyman, providing a few fish out of water giggles. Yes, he looks like a GQ model, but that tuxedo is never quite right! Stevenson’s performance is economical but extremely engaging, and he balances out the overt sexuality of Laura and the repressed frustrations of Adrienne. Yeah, I’m biased, but that Stevenson guy, he’s just right.

It's super hard to be lonesome when there's always someone snooping around!

I have seen Lonesome three times, and for whatever reason, the film finally clicked on this last go. The class rivalry was a lot more apparent (thank you, Cultural Studies degree) and I found the dialogue to be somewhat rich and fascinating. Broderick is so great at the beginning of Lonesome, creating a persona of pure S-E-X. Everything is about getting some kind of tingly reaction from her gazers (or listeners), and for a movie that can’t show too much skin, she makes the most of it by exuding an animal magnetism. Once Laura becomes terrified of what may be happening to her, the performance loses steam, but she makes Lonesome a movie to watch. Recommended for a lazy Sunday.

Are You Lonesome Tonight is on VHS. 

One more shot of Matt in the tux... Amuse me, K?

What I'm Watching Now: Perfect Match (1984 - 1989)

The Australian game show Perfect Match is a combination of a lot of things I love. For one, it’s Australian, and so was my mother! Secondly, it’s a cross between The Dating Game and Love Connection. It also aired in the 1980s, and that alone makes it awesome. And finally, it has an adorable robot named Dexter!

Seriously, did I just die and go to a neon-soaked heaven, where all the men and women have perms and say G’day?

Like, totally.

I was first turned on to Perfect Match via Alistair and Siobhan on their Movies About Girls spinoff podcast, The Down Under Variety Hour. They played clips from the show and without even being able to see all of the aqua-netted awesome, I still knew it was a totally tubular paradise. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, that podcast episode did not pan out and I was left alone with my pastel memories. Tragic, right? Well, my favorite Aussie couple decided to bring back clips and I could have jumped right out of my penny loafers!

Strangely enough, this is the same face I make right after I jump out of my penny loafers!

Perfect Match debuted in 1984 and ran for five glorious years, ending in 1989 and and it enjoyed a brief revival in 2002. Much like The Dating Game (well, exactly like The Dating Game), a contestant chooses an unseen mate by asking a series of questions which will hopefully provoke hilarious responses. It becomes like Love Connection because the winning couple goes on a trip together and then returns to the show to let everyone know if they’ve made a perfect match. Then it becomes like Big Brother when Dexter the Robot calculates each winning couples compatibility. That’s a lot of fuchsia colored leggings and oversized blazers to take in! And I loved it.

The Down Under Variety Hour brought back their Perfect Match segment in honor of Valentine's Day. You can listen to the podcast here. Enjoy! (Note: I was unable to play the podcast on Firefox, but it came up fine in Google Chrome. If you have problems, please try another server) (Note #2: The Perfect Match segment begins somewhere around the second hour, but there's lots of silliness beforehand, so kick up your feet and stay awhile!)

If you want to brush up on the visuals of the show, check out my gnarly and radical Perfect Match image gallery. It will make you squeal, “Like, oh my gawd!”

Here come our hosts: 

Here is someone looking to make a Love Connection, er, I mean find his Perfect Match: 

Here are the choices: 

This girl talked about wanting to spank boys and I loved her for saying so!

This one seemed to want to be on TV more than she wanted the date!

I have a feeling that this girl doesn't take crap from anyone. I love her.

 That's the host standing in a strangely heart shaped middle. It's got to be a perfect match! 

This is Dexter. I love him. 

 Here is the Love Connection segment: 

I bet you had no idea that the lead singer of A-ha was on Perfect Match!

This was not a perfect match, but the set up is so perfectly 80s: 

She said her date was very "excited."

He said his date was too "tragic."

This is Babe. She is looking for a Perfect Match and I hope she found it. 

Here are the hosts trying out what looks like a vaudeville act.

"It was this big! Ha! Get it... umm... this big...Hello? Is this thing on?"

Round Two: This time there are three dudes, and they are cute!

Purple bow ties need to make a serious comeback. Seriously.

I imagine that this guy would be killer fun at a Def Leopard show. Win!

There is not one single thing wrong with this guy at all. 80s Purr-fection!

This is the lucky girl living in 80s game show heaven (and she looks like Eve Plumb!)

Looks like a Perfect Match (and I love her dress)! 

Dexter says "G'day!"

Goliath Awaits (1981)

Network: Syndicated 
Original Air Dates: November 16th & 17th, 1981

In a land far, far away, someone asked me to check out Goliath Awaits. I wish I could remember who that kind soul was, because I want to thank them from the bottom of my heart. My copy (taped off Encore Mystery) was sheepishly looking at me while the poor thing gathered dust. Although that certainly sent pangs of guilt to my very core (well, not really, but I did feel bad… I swear), I let it sit on the shelf because I am always hesitant to watch mini-series. Truth be told, I’ve always been like that because I feel like I’m making some huge investment and I won’t be able to carry my mission through. Failure sucks, and I avoid it! What’s crazy is that I tend to love all the mini-series I sit down with, yet I still find that aching hesitation persists. Yes, I’m a mystery to myself sometimes.

I am apparently a mystery to John Carradine too!

Filmed on the Queen Mary, and featuring an incredible cast, Operation Prime Time went overboard (pun intended) with their epic lost ship thriller Goliath Awaits. Starting in 1939, a large British luxury liner is sunk by several Nazi torpedoes. Jump 40 years ahead and a crew in search of oceanic minerals picks up the shell of the great liner Goliath on their radar. Eager to salvage the wreck for treasures, they are surprised when they get a small submarine vessel near it and hear an S.O.S. signal! The military quickly puts together an operation to investigate the sunken ship and soon the world finds out that many of the passengers survived, and now live in their own world, made sustainable through an air bubble. While most of the top crewman died, one man who had a knack for inventions helped the survivors build a garden, create electricity, and, in short, live. Rising to leader, this man is not so hip to be rescued and he intends to thwart any and all plans to bring the survivors back to the real world.

Underwater gardening Goliath style!

Goliath Awaits is an epic mini-series that ran over two nights and is brimming with several almost-a-star appearances. The mini-series caught Mark Harmon between the short-lived series 240-Robert (1978 – 79) and the nighttime soap Flamingo Road (1980 – 82), and he had a few years to go before he hit superstardom fame as Dr. Robert Caldwell on St. Elsewhere. His charm and magnetism already apparent, he makes a likable hero for the passengers of the Goliath. His love interest is the plucky Emma Samms who was just a couple of years away from becoming a soap opera star on General Hospital. Other up and coming faces include Duncan Regehr (V) and Robert Forster, an actor who already had a stellar resume, but was years away from Oscar nominated and household name glory in Jackie Brown (note: Regehr and Forster would appear together again in the trashy sex thriller The Banker, which is great fun if you love the erotic thrillers of the 90s… and you know you do). Lori Lethin (Bloody Birthday) also appears as Samms tragic best friend. These relative newcomers mix with handsome Alex Cord and three of the greats: John Carradine, Frank Gorshin, and Christopher Lee. This fusion of fresh and classic faces works beautifully to make for a good night(s) of entertainment!

Being scary is a full time job

Christopher Lee’s chilling and heartrending portrayal of Captain McKenzie is perfection. He manages to walk that fine line of dictator jerk and reluctant hero, sustaining some level of compassion for his character. The same cannot be said of his right hand man Dan Wesker (Frank Gorshin) who is utterly terrifying in his devotion to McKenzie. The dynamic between these two could constitute its own movie, and while it’s not given a huge amount of attention through the film, there is enough background to make each character compelling. While the entire cast gives superb performances, the film really belongs to McKenzie and Wesker’s bizarre bromance.

Swoon x 2

Buyer Beware: Goliath Awaits did get a release on VHS, but in an edited form that cuts out some of the most intriguing stories. I’m not sure when I taped my copy off of Encore Mystery (I haven’t had pay channels in, like, forever), but perhaps the TV gods will abide. It’s a film that is definitely worth seeing. 

And the band plays on

Horror at 37,000 Feet is Coming to DVD!

Mark your calendars for March 18th, a day that will be remembered as The Day of the TV Movie.

OK, perhaps I am exaggerating a bit, but this is indeed a day that TV movie lovers will rejoice, as Paramount unleashes the cult TVM Horror at 37,000 Feet on DVD. I know, how amazingly cool is that?!?

As many of you know, Shout Factory released the double disc TVM pack The Initiation of Sarah and Are You in the House Alone just last December, and Amazon is streaming some pretty decent flicks from the genre (updated list coming soon). This is turning out to be a truly great time for small screen films!

Fanning the flames!

I hope that even if you have a **cough** copy **cough** of these films, you pick up, or stream the legitimate releases. Trust me, as a starving student I know that is not always possible, but if you can support the small screen films that could, it may lead to more releases, commentaries or a gazillion other types of extras. It's a great way to document these films and properly preserve them... That's the wishful wannabe-archivist-dreaming in me, but you know what? These movies been good to us, they deserve some love!

Read my review here.

I wonder whatever happened to the movie 7500?

OK, as you were!

USA World Premiere Movie Project: Accidental Meeting (1994)

This review was written in conjunction with The Daily Grindhouse's year long tribute to the USA World Premiere Movie!

Anyone who visits my beloved blog knows I carry a bright and heavy torch for Miss Linda Gray. I’ve said this before: Sue Ellen Ewing is one of the most complicated and fascinating characters to ever grace the small screen. Her relationship with J.R. (Larry Hagman) is the kind of stuff that dysfunctional awesome is made of! I have seen Linda in a variety of other roles, from Dogs to Models, Inc., and then back to Sue Ellen in the Dallas revival (set your DVRs for February 24th, btw), and when all is said and done, I love Miss Gray best when she’s bad.

I haven’t mentioned it as much here, but I also adore the heck out of Linda Purl. While she brought a little bit country to Fonzie’s rock and roll on Happy Days, they seemed the perfect match, and I was disappointed when they broke up. A lot of that is due to Purl’s charming presence on screen. She’s absolutely breathtaking in Dark Mansions, and she kills it (literally) in the theatrical slasher flick Visiting Hours. Also, she was completely adorable in Danielle Steel’s Secrets. There, I said it.

You can imagine how excited I was when Gray and Purl crossed paths in the 1994 USA World Premiere Movie Accidental Meeting, a thriller that puts a gender-bending twist on the Hitchcock classic Strangers on a Train. Regardless of incorporating a different element to the story by making the leads female, using any of Hitchcock’s story devices is going to set the bar pretty high. At the same time, this is a mid-90s basic cable made for TV movie, and one hopes that lowers the bar back down a bit. That’s not meant to demean the TVM genre at all (and you should know I’d never do such a thing), but viewing a project in its proper context allows films that might otherwise be considered trash or lower culture to become somewhat more interesting.

Purl is Maryann, a somewhat successful businesswoman with a horrible boss. And I mean horrible. He admits he loves to put pressure on his employees, and he’s really into firing people on the spot. This makes Maryann’s trek up the corporate ladder tenuous and tensions flair when she reminds her boss that being a good mom is more important than slaving through corporate America. Jennifer (Gray) has her own issues. She’s a childless housewife in a crap marriage. Her philandering husband (Kent McCord, looking super fine) might not openly cheat on his wife, but he’s not struggling to cover it up either. When the two women are involved in a car accident, it was – as Max on Hart to Hart might say – Moi-dur.

Jennifer and Maryann strike up a quick friendship, confiding in each other. Jokingly, they promise to kill each other’s male problems. Only, Jennifer ain’t laughing. She seduces and brutally dispatches Maryann’s boss and then seeks a returned favor. Needless to say, Maryann is unhappy about this turn of events. What’s a girl to do?

After the well crafted set up of Accidental Affair, the film loses a bit of steam. Perhaps that is because, in these types of light thrillers, it’s the bad guy who gets all the great moments. However, this film concentrates more on Maryann’s struggle to get out of her situation, and it’s just not as interesting as watching Jennifer leer and slither her way through the film. It’s still fun though, and somewhat thoughtful in the tension it presents between Gray and Purl and the housewife vs. businesswoman dichotomy. Well past the burn-our-bras era, Accidental Meeting presents a modern world where you can be both a successful career woman and a good mother (and with a cute boyfriend to boot!) In short, you can have it all, even if your boss sucks. However, Jennifer lacks either a decent family or a good job, and one wonders if her repressed anger is triggered by a denial of both the radical and the traditional. By the time Jennifer rebels against her own self-appointed state (she might hate her hubby but she also absolutely refuses to get a divorce because of a pre-nup), she’s become a wide-eyed lunatic whose desperation allows her to sleep with and then kill her prey!

While the ending is typical of these kinds of thrillers, and there is, in my humble opinion, not enough Jennifer, Accidental Meeting is an engaging little potboiler, built on the fantasy of so many disgruntled spouses and employees. And for being such a late entry into the TVM thriller genre, the plotting and brevity of pace evoke days of yore. Who would ever complain about that?

Oh yeah, and a bearded Leigh McCloskey?!? S-O-L-D.

Accidental Meeting is available on vhs. 

Watch the trailer here: